Daddy's Girl
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: Her birth changed his life forever. Her mere existence was what made him the man he is today. Maureen had always held a special bond with her father. Will her loss break him completely or can Elliot learn to live without the first love of his life?
1. 1 Loss

_Daddy's Girl_

_(Chapter One: Loss)_

Elliot was sound asleep alone in his apartment when he received the call from his partner.

"Elliot," Olivia said in a quiet voice.

"Yeah?" He asked rubbing his eyes.

"Cragen just called me. They need us. There was an accident across town. Some big college party and a car accident."

"We're not uniforms, Liv. It's not even daylight. How is this special victims?"

"They don't have the manpower. And several of the kids at that party were underage. Look, I just do what he tells me. He wants us to go and process the scene with the uniforms until they can get some more people in. It shouldn't take long. I can pick you up in a few minutes."

"Sure."

Elliot closed his phone and groaned as he stepped form the bed. He stumbled down the hall to the bathroom and stood under the hot water in his shower for a few minutes. Cragen had some nerve calling them, it had barely been three hours since Elliot and Olivia had finally been allowed to go home for the night.

He climbed from the shower and dressed quickly as he made his way toward the kitchen to start some coffee. Just then he heard the door bell ring.

Elliot turned on the porch light and stared into the tired eyes of his partner as she offered him a Styrofoam cup.

"I brought you breakfast."

He smiled and laughed.

"What?"

"Nothing. I am tired and almost to the point of delirious. When you said a few minutes, I figured you meant like half an hour or forty five minutes. Not twelve. You know for a woman you get ready quickly."

"Well, I hadn't fallen asleep yet."

"No?" He asked taking the cup from her hand and following her to the car. "I was out the moment my head hit the pillow."

"It takes me a little while to unwind. I took a hot bath and settled in for a few chapters of my book. That was when Cragen called me."

"Well, I am really hoping this will be pretty cut and dry. Show up and supervise until help arrives then we are out in time to grab a nap before we have to be back in court in the morning."

"Turn left here," she instructed him.

"I thought it was a few blocks further down."

"It is, but they have the scene blocked off for about three blocks and it will be hard to find a place to park. I figured we could come around from the side. We can park down the block and go in on foot. From what I hear it is pretty bad. Four cars and at least two people are dead. One was a fifty five year old man on his way home from working the night shift at a factory across town. A seventeen year old ran a red light and hit his car."

"A seventeen year old was at this party?"

"No, that accident was unrelated. Just happened to take place in the same area. With the icy roads it slowed his stop time and I am sure the sight of a car flipped upside down in the middle of the road was quite a distraction."

"So our accident had already taken place?"

"That is how the kid tells it. I am sure we will learn more as we process the scene."

"We always do."

Elliot parked the car as it began to sleet once again. He picked up the big flashlight from the back seat and handed Olivia a rain poncho as he closed the car door.

"I see you came prepared."

"It has been doing this crap all night and I didn't know how long we would be working out here in it."

"Good thinking," he laughed as they walked toward the scene.

"What have we got?" Elliot asked the uniformed officer as they flashed their badges.

"The kid in the Blazer was joy riding from what we can tell. He caused the entire thing."

"Was he drinking?"

"Yes. He had a gash on his forehead and started throwing up everywhere. Ambulance left with him about five minutes ago. There are a couple of people over here with bumps and scratches. They lost control trying not to get hit by the kid and slid off the road. Then there are two cars over here that he actually hit," the man said pointing and leading them toward the first car.

Elliot and Olivia helped to work the scene for nearly an hour as the snow and sleet continued to fall covering up their evidence. The spoke to everyone they could as the ambulances hauled off the wounded, then turned to the crowd of onlookers for answers to their questions.

Elliot was talking to a man who saw the entire event as one of the uniformed officers made a discovery.

"Detective," he called to Elliot. "You're going to want to see this," the man shouted as Elliot and Olivia ran to see what the fuss was about. There in the middle of the road was another set of tracks that had been covered by the falling snow.

"There is another car," Olivia said as they followed the tracks to the edge of the road. She looked over the edge and down the embankment where an overturned car laid on it's roof in the snow. "We need a bus over here!" Olivia shouted as she slid her way down the embankment to inspect the scene.

Elliot stood a few steps behind her as they approached the car. Olivia made her way to the drivers side to find a dark haired teenaged girl still in the drivers seat. She brushed the dark hair from the girl's face and felt for a pulse. As she did the girl gasped for air.

"She's still breathing! But the pulse is weak."

Elliot listened to her words as something caught his eye. The passenger side of the car had come to rest against a tree after its roll down the embankment. The glass was busted from the windows and the entire side of the car was pretty much crushed. Elliot tipped his head to notice a young woman's hand reached out from the window and laying lifeless against the snow.

"We have a passenger," he said taking a few steps forward careful not to disturb any evidence.

He knelt to reach for the girl. Her hair blonde was tangled and covering her face and as Elliot moved to check for a pulse he noticed something more. On the girl's right hand ring finger was a small gold ring, a ruby, the birthstone of July. That was when the picture in front of him finally came into focus.

"Oh my God Liv," he gasped as he stumbled backward in the snow and tears filled his eyes.

"Elliot, what's wrong?" She looked up at him white as a ghost and looking as if he would pass out.

"No," he cried shaking his head as tears streamed down his face. "God, no!"

"El?"

"This is Maureen's car," he gasped as the paramedics made their way to Olivia's side of the car.

Liv crawled around to her partner, sliding in the snow and ice.

"Is it her?" She asked as Elliot seemed to completely zone out. "Elliot! Is it Maureen?"

"I don't know…I can't… I can't…."

"Okay," she nodded as tears began to overfill her eyes as well.

Olivia crawled on her hands and knees over to the window of the car. The girl was still held in the car by her seatbelt, the only thing that had kept either of them from being ejected from the car during the roll down the hill. She stared for a moment at the ring on the seemingly lifeless hand of the young woman inside the car.

"God please," she whispered shaking her head as she reached out and brushed back the tangled mess of blood stained hair to look at the girl's face.

Elliot watched the her reaction as his partner tried not to break down crying right there. "I'm sorry, El," she gasped as she slipped her hand around to check for a pulse. "I've got a pulse!" Olivia looked up from the car and motioned for the paramedics to help her free the girl.

"I can't get the lap belt undone," one of the men said as he reached inside the car. "I'll have to go back and get my kit."

Olivia looked over at Elliot and then back to Maureen in the car. "Her pulse is weak. You have to get her out now. If you walk away we could lose her," she whispered trying to keep Elliot from hearing her words.

"I don't have a choice. The car is crushed and she is stuck inside. I got the driver out because I could reach the buckle on her seatbelt. But I can't with this one and there is not enough room to get inside."

Olivia stared at the totaled car in front of her. Her eyes scanned over it from nose to trunk looking for the fastest way in. "I can fit through the back window," she said pulling off her coat and tossing it down in the snow.

"What? Nobody can fit in there, are you crazy? Besides, it isn't safe!" The man grabbed her arm to keep her from entering the car.

"Let go of me!" She growled as she pulled away from him. "Help me or get the hell out of the way! I am doing this with or without your assistance! If she doesn't get help now, she is going to die!" It took a second before she realized she had just yelled everything she had said and Elliot was now staring at her. "I can't just sit here and do nothing."

She tossed her coat down over the broken glass and laid down on her back on it as she began to slide forward working her way in through the back window of the car.

"Maureen," Elliot said crawling forward and taking his daughter's hand in his. "Daddy's here, sweetheart. Just hang on baby. We're gonna get you out of here soon, I promise." He held her hand in his and raised it to meet his lips as he felt her squeeze his hand.

"Daddy," she moaned almost breathlessly, barely producing any sound at all. "It hurts so much," she moaned softly.

"I know honey," Elliot said wiping away the tears from his face so he didn't scare his daughter. He leaned into the window and kissed her cheek. "Liv is going to unbuckle you, then we're gonna get you out of here. Just take it easy, baby. Hold on to my hand, everything is going to be okay baby," Elliot whispered, hoping to God he was right.

"Got it!" Olivia said from inside the car as the paramedic helped her back out.

She and Elliot helped them to carefully move Maureen from the car and onto a stretcher. Elliot kissed his daughter as they loaded her into the back of the ambulance.

"I'm sorry sir," a man said stopping Elliot as he attempted to climb in with his daughter. "Due to the storm all of our teams are tied up. We're going to have to transport the girls together. I'm afraid we are not going to have the room for you to ride along. We're taking them to Mercy, you can meet us there."

"Elliot, come on. I'll drive," Olivia said reaching for his hand.

"Okay." He kissed his daughter again and they closed the doors.

The nine and a half minutes it took them to get across town seemed to take forever. Elliot rushed in to the desk to ask where they had taken Maureen when they brought her in, but no one seemed to be able to help him.

"You'll have to wait in here," the paramedic said showing Elliot and Olivia to the waiting room. "I'm afraid they cant let you see her, just yet."

"What is going on?" Elliot asked.

"She crashed in the ambulance on the way over. We were able to revive her, but the doctors are working with her now. I have to get back on the road, I just got a call about another accident."

Olivia nodded as the man brushed past them.

"I have to call Kathy," Elliot mumbled as he stared at the floor. "How am I going to tell her…. I don't know if I can."

"I could call her, if you'd like," Olivia offered looking up at him feeling so helpless.

"Thanks Liv, but she should hear it from me."

Olivia nodded and dialed the number for him. "I'm gonna go get us some coffee," she said softly excusing herself to give him some privacy.

Elliot took the phone from her hand and watched as she disappeared down the hall. He exhaled feeling a large knot in his throat as he heard Kathy's voice come over the phone.

"Olivia?"

"No, Kathy. It's El. I am on Liv, phone."

"Is everything okay, Elliot? It is past four in the morning."

"No Kathy, it isn't," he said as his voice cracked and he paused to try to compose himself. "There was an accident. Maureen is in the hospital. It's pretty bad, Kath. I'm here at Mercy and the doctors are in with her now."

"Oh, God. I'll call my mother to come sit with the kids. I'm on my way."

Elliot closed the phone and continued to pace the floor of the waiting room, just the way he had eighteen years ago as he did on the morning his daughter came into this world.


	2. 2 Blessed

_**Daddy's Girl**_

_**(Chapter Two: Blessed)**_

_**July 23, 1992.…**_

Elliot paced the floor in the hallway just outside the delivery room where his young wife laid giving birth to their first child. It was killing him to be on this side of the heavy wooden door while she laid inside going through this alone. But during the delivery some unexpected complications had occurred and the doctors had to ask him to step out into the hall.

He wore a path in the thin carpet up and down the hall. From his right hand dangled a teddy bear he gripped so tight that his knuckles were white and he was afraid the arm would fall off before he could present it to his child.

Elliot leaned against the wall and listened to the sounds of the doctors and nurses from inside the room. He closed his eyes and prayed for God to be with his wife and to protect her and the baby and guide them through this troubled time.

In all of the months he had known he was going to be a father, he had held a fear inside of him. Secretly, part of his wasn't even sure he wanted children. The pregnancy was just something he had accepted and dealt with after Kathy told him about it. He wasn't sure how to be a father or change a diaper or make a bottle. He wasn't even sure how he was going to afford to support this new family of his and often wondered if giving the baby up for adoption wouldn't have been a better solution.

But Kathy wouldn't hear of it and Elliot stepped up the plate taking responsibility for the situation. He bought a little ring at a pawn shop and rented them a tiny two bedroom house on the edge of town. He got a good deal on a crib and a used car and the rest was history.

Kathy wanted a little girl so bad she could taste it and Elliot was secretly hoping for a son. He would never tell his wife this, but he dreamed of coaching little league and playing football with his boy. Doing all of the things his father never took the time to do with him. He would take him fishing and give him advice about girls and….

Elliot paused in thought as he heard the baby cry. He stood still in his place as one of the nurses opened the door and showed him back into the room.

Kathy sat up in the bed holding a little white bundle. She smiled at him with tears in her eyes and looked down at the baby.

"Congratulations daddy," she said softly as he sat down on the edge of the bed to peer down at the infant.

"Is everything alright?" He asked looking up at the doctor.

"Just fine. Healthy baby. Just got turned around and stuck in the birth canal. I thought I was going to have to go in, but somehow….well, she delivered the baby naturally. Congratulations," he said as Elliot brushed his fingertips over the baby's bald head.

"Thank you," Elliot whispered.

"Do you want to hold her?" Kathy asked pushing the bundle into his arms and not really giving him a choice.

"Her?"

"Yeah, it's a girl," she whispered.

"I have a daughter?"

"You do," Kathy agreed closing his hands around the baby and showing how to hold her.

Elliot had been so certain he would have a son, that he really hadn't considered the possibility of the baby being a girl. He gulped and stared down at the little pink infant as she opened her eyes and looked up at hem….and that was it! True love.

Elliot chuckled a little and raised the baby to kiss her forehead. "Hello there sweetheart. I'm your daddy," he said as tears of joy rolled down his face. Elliot had wanted a son, but now looking down at his the little girl in his arms, he couldn't imagine how having a son could have possibly been any greater than this.

* * *

_**Three months later….**_

Elliot held the baby out away from his body as she screamed.

"Oh, come on Kathy," he said trying to get her to take the baby from him.

"Elliot the poopy ones have to be changed, too."

"She just…she leaked all over me! I have to be at work in fifteen minutes and I have baby goo all over me!"

Kathy laughed at her husband in panic. "Relax, it is just a little on your tie. I'll get you another one. Diapers are in the…"

"I know where they are! I have changed her before!"

"Not when she was poopy. Somehow it always seems to be my turn when those come around."

"Kathy, can you please just take her? I really don't have time for this!"

"You don't have time for your daughter?"

"You know what I meant. I am going to be late for work."

"You're the manager, El. It will be fine," she said pointing toward the nursery.

"You knew that me taking this promotion meant working more hours. I am trying to get through this. I only have a few more weeks then I'm going into the academy. Once I get out of there I will have a little more money and I can quit this job."

Kathy watched as he carried the baby down the hall to change her. She listened as he groaned and growled while changing the diaper.

"What is in that formula? This is really disgusting!"

Kathy smiled as she walked into the nursery to find Elliot wiping up the mess with a roll of toilet paper. "What are you doing?" She laughed as he frantically searched for the wastebasket.

"I have to clean her up before I put the new diaper on. I couldn't find the thingies."

She laughed again. "The wipes?"

Elliot looked up at her as she handed them to him. "I keep them on the shelf in the closet. Beside the diapers. But I thought you knew that."

Elliot shook his head and pulled them from her hand as he finished cleaning his daughter. The baby girl grunted and squirmed around as he fought to close the little tabs on the diaper.

"There!" He said with a look of accomplishment and he held the baby up to inspect his handiwork.

She moved around a bit and started to cry again.

"Now what is wrong with her?"

"She doesn't like being held like that," Kathy pointed out as the diaper fell off of the baby and onto the changing table. "You didn't get the diaper tight enough."

"Damn it!" Elliot said as Maureen peed down both of her legs and all over the table and her father.

Kathy laughed again.

"It isn't funny. It isn't funny!"

"Just a little. Here, give her to me and I will clean her up. You go find another shirt for work."

Kathy took Maureen from her father as she continued to cry. She bounced the baby a bit and walked into the kitchen to run her a warm bath in the sink. Elliot hurried around the house gathering clean clothes as he headed for the bathroom to wash up and change.

Elliot walked back in as Kathy was making a bottle for Maureen. The baby was in her bouncy seat wearing a little pink sleeper and starting to get fussy again. He unbuckled the baby and scooped her up into his arms.

Maureen looked up at her father and grunted and fussed as if she were telling him what was wrong.

"I'll take her," Kathy said reaching for the baby.

"I've got her," Elliot said taking the bottle from his wife and giving it to the baby.

He bounced the little girl in his arms and kissed her forehead as he walked to the sofa and sat down with her.

"I thought you didn't have time?"

"I'm already late. I might as well take the few minutes to give her a bottle. She'll be in bed by the time I get home. Yes, you will," he cooed down to his daughter. "I over reacted, Kathy." Elliot looked up at his wife. "You guys are my family. And family should come first, through the good and the bad. Babies make messes. I should be used to it by now. Besides, I doubt this will be the last time I get baby poop on me."

"True."

* * *

_**Seven Months Later….**_

Maureen cried and called out for her daddy as she stood up in her crib. Elliot climbed from their nice warm bed and moved into the nursery to tend to their daughter.

"Hey honey," he said picking her up in his arms and bouncing her a bit. "It's okay baby, daddy's here."

"Dada," she whined as she chewed on her little fingers and clung to him.

"It's okay. It's okay. Did you have a bad dream?"

She looked at him with little tears in her eyes and drew a staggered breath.

"You feel a bit warm, baby." Elliot kissed her forehead and carried her into their bedroom. "Kathy, where is the thermometer? I can't find it in the nursery."

"Diaper bag side pocket," she yawned as she sat up to look at him in the dark. "Everything alright?"

"She feels a little warm. And she is biting on her fingers, I think maybe she is cutting more teeth."

"You have to work in the morning, El. Do you want me to take care of it?"

"I got it babe, try to get some sleep. Besides, she wants her daddy."

Kathy smiled as Elliot cradled their little girl in his arms and talked sweetly to her.

"She always has been daddy's girl."

"And she always will be," he said kissing his wife. "I'm gonna take her temperature and probably give her some Tylenol. I'll stay with her until I can get her back to sleep."

"Okay," Kathy whispered as she kissed Maureen's little blonde curls. "If you need me to switch out, just let me know."

"Good night, honey."

Elliot carried Maureen into the living room where he turned on some cartoons for her. He gave the baby some medicine to bring down the slight fever and ease her pain. Elliot changed her diaper and fixed her a bottle, then sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room and cuddled with his daughter.

When she had finished her bottle, Elliot handed her the pacifier and her favorite blanket. He rocked the baby and sang softly to her as the words of _You Are My Sunshine _echoed through out their living room. Maureen held her pacifier in one hand and sucked the thumb of the other as she closed her little eyes and drifted back to sleep.

When Elliot's alarm clock went off the next morning, Kathy reached over to shut it off. She looked around the room and realized that he hadn't come back to bed the night before after getting back up with the baby. She slipped on her robe and made her way down the hall to the empty nursery.

She walked into the living room to find Elliot asleep in the rocking chair with little Maureen asleep in his arms. She had dropped her pacifier into the floor beside the chair and rested her little head on his shoulder, firmly clutching her blanket in one hand.

"El," Kathy said softly bumping the rocker on the bottom of the chair.

Elliot began to hum and rub little Maureen's back.

"Elliot," she whispered again and he opened his eyes. "Your alarm went off." She knelt beside him and took the little girl from his arms. "I'm going to go put her in bed. I started the coffee for you. I'll make you some breakfast if you want to get in the shower really quick."

"Thanks, honey." Elliot kissed his wife and headed for the bathroom.

When he returned breakfast was on the table and Kathy was sitting in the rocking chair with Maureen in her arms drinking her bottle.

"Good morning baby girl," Elliot said kissing his daughter.

He finished his breakfast and gathered his things for work. Elliot knelt beside the chair to kiss his daughter goodbye before leaving for work.

"She is so precious," he said combing his fingers through her blonde curls. "I think I could see us with a couple more of these," Elliot said with a smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Maybe a little boy."

"I just really wasn't sure you wanted more kids."

"I know I am just getting the hand of this parenting thing, but I wouldn't want her to be an only child forever."

"That's good."

"Why? Because you have decided you want another one too?"

"That. And because I'm pregnant."

"You are?"

"Yup. I took the test this morning. I was hoping you wouldn't be angry."

"Kathy, I'm not angry. A little shocked, maybe. But not angry. You know, I didn't necessarily mean I wanted another baby right now."

Kathy smiled and placed her hand against her stomach. "Well, we wont actually get the baby for about eight more months."

Elliot laughed. "You hear that Maureen? You are going to be a big sister," he said scooping her up in his arms and kissing her.

Maureen smiled at Elliot as he handed her back to Kathy. He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.

"Tell daddy bye. Say bye-bye," Kathy said waving Maureen's little hand at him as Elliot walked to the car.

"Bye," the little girl cooed and smiled as she waved to her daddy.


	3. 3 Off The Wagon

_Daddy's Girl_

_(Chapter Three: Off The Wagon)_

"Detective?"

Olivia heard the voice behind her and turned to look at the doctor.

"Yes?"

"You wanted me to keep you updated on the Stabler girl?"

"Umm…yes," she said wiping the back of her hand across her cheek and looking at him.

Kathy and Elliot had walked down to the waiting room to talk to the children. After finding out how bad off Maureen was Kathy decided she would rather have the other four children there with them. She placed a call to her mother, who loaded up the kids and brought them here.

"Detective Benson?"

"Yes?" She asked looking up at him once more.

"The girl…" Olivia stared into his eyes as he began to shake his head. "I'm sorry. She didn't make it."

"Oh God," Olivia gasped as she leaned back against the wall.

She could feel the warmth of her tears as they streamed down both of her cheeks. Elliot's entire world was about to come crashing down around him.

Olivia took a deep breath and stared at the floor as she noticed a pair of sneakers standing in front of her. She raised her eyes to see sixteen year old Kathleen standing there crying. She had overheard Olivia's conversation with the doctor.

"Kathleen, honey?"

Olivia watched as the girl sobbed.

"No," she whimpered as she began to break down.

"Kathleen," Olivia said reaching for her.

"Don't touch me!" She yelled pulling away from Olivia and running away from the room that now held her sister's body.

Olivia ran after her. She followed the girl into the stairwell, down the five flights of stairs and out into the parking garage before she lost site of her. Olivia Combed her fingers through her hair and walked around the garage shivering at the sight of her own breath. It was early December and the city had been consumed by the worst of winter for the last month or so.

She followed the soft sobbing sounds through the rows of parked cars, finally finding Kathleen sitting on the cold concrete between two cars. Olivia sat down beside her and placed her arm around Kathleen pulling her in against her and holding the girl while she cried.

"I know baby," she whispered softly as she gently rocked with Kathleen and began to cry as well. "I know."

For nearly half an hour they sat together in the crisp New York winter air and cried until they could cry no longer.

"I'll bet your mom and dad are worried about you," Olivia said wiping away a tear from Kathleen's cheek. "Maybe we should go back inside and get warmed up. What do you say I buy you a hot chocolate in the cafeteria?"

"Olivia?"

"Yeah, honey?"

"You're my dad's best friend, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Good. Because he is really going to need a friend through this."

Olivia stood up and dusted herself off as she smiled. "Let's get you back inside where it's warm," she said extending her hand to help Kathleen up as well.

* * *

_**Two Days Later….**_

Olivia walked up the steps with two large bags of food and rang the doorbell. A few minutes later Kathy appeared still dressed in the black dress she wore to the service and opened the door.

"Olivia?"

"Kathy, I just wanted to bring by some things," she said raising up the bags.

"Come on in," Kathy said stepping back and holding the door open.

The inside of the house was cluttered with flowers from the funeral and photographs of Maureen. Pictures of her all through her childhood, from the day she was born to her senior prom. The beautiful teen looked so much like her mother with her blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. In every picture she had a bright smile and you could almost hear her laughter echo through the house.

"My mother set up the house. I expect people to start showing up in half an hour or so. I am not exactly sure who started this tradition or why, but I would really rather just be alone. Not exactly in the mood to play hostess right now."

Kathy exhaled and rubbed her hands over her face. She closed her eyes for a moment. Then looked back up at Olivia.

"Olivia, I am so sorry."

"Kathy, it's alright. You have so much going on right now. I understand that."

"It was really sweet of you to bring this stuff over. Would you like to sit down for a cup of coffee?"

Olivia nodded and smiled as she started to remove the food from the bags on the table.

"Whatever that is, it smells wonderful," Kathy said handing Olivia a coffee cup.

"Take out," Olivia said with a smile. "I don't cook," she laughed. "I hope you all like Italian."

"Yeah," Kathy said with a smile. "My kids will eat anything." She was quiet for a moment. "Maureen was my picky eater. Vegan, nothing hydrogenated and nothing with high fructose corn syrup."

"She took good care of her self."

"She wanted to be a doctor. She was only a freshman at the university and already picking out a medical school." She exhaled and things were quiet for a few moments. "How is Elliot?"

"As good as he can be, I guess."

"He wont talk to me. We haven't really spoken in months. We would get together for church on Sundays and he would take the kids for visitations, but we barely spoke at all."

"Elliot is a very private person. We are together the biggest part of seven days a week and he rarely opens up to me either."

"I asked him to come home."

Olivia looked up at Kathy and watched the expression on her face. "That's good."

"He said no. I thought it would help us all to get through this. It would be better for the kids if we were all together as a family. But Elliot said that it wouldn't be fair to the kids. He said that if he came home right now that it would give them hope of a reconciliation. And since that is not really in the cards for us….he didn't want to mislead them."

Olivia slipped her hand over Kathy's and squeezed it gently.

"It make sense, I guess," Kathy said looking into her eyes. "He's right. We lost each other a long time ago. And if he came back here right now, I know the kids wouldn't be the only ones who got their hopes up."

"Have you told him this?"

"Told him what, exactly?"

"Kathy, if you still love him he deserves to know that."

"It is over, Olivia. I strung him along for too long. We tried. We tried so many times and it just…it was over. We got divorced and it is better this way. Elliot and I share a more civil relationship and it is better for the kids this way. We are still a family. Elliot is an amazing father and adores his children. We did what was best for our family. I will never stop loving him, Olivia, he is the father of my children and the man I spent nearly half my life with. It is just better if we are not married anymore. The marriage ended when we signed those papers, but we still have a strong relationship."

"It is good that you can still be close, that you remain friends. And you are doing a wonderful job raising your family. I have no doubt that this is hard on all of you. But I think that your family is strong enough to get everyone through it."

"Thank you, Olivia."

Kathy looked up at the brunette sitting across from her at the table. There were so many times she had been jealous of the beauty. Olivia was younger and prettier and more successful and in many ways was closer to Elliot than Kathy had ever been. But now sitting here having this conversation, Kathy was starting to see the softer side of badass Benson. Underneath her tough guy exterior and behind the pretty smile, Olivia had a bleeding heart.

"I should start setting food out," Kathy said as she looked at her watch. "Before people start showing up."

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

Kathy looked over at her and smiled.

For the next two hours, Olivia helped Kathy with the hostess duties. She kept the trays of cheese and crackers full and made sure everyone had plenty to drink, while Kathy mingled with the guests forcing a smile the entire time.

Olivia watched as each guest arrived, waiting for Elliot to arrive. But he never came. After the crowd had died down and things began to return to normal, Olivia found Kathy and said her goodbye.

"Thank you for coming, Olivia. And for all of your help. It really means a lot," Kathy said as she hugged Liv.

Olivia headed back to her apartment and changed into a pair of blue jeans and a green sweater. She grabbed a package of chocolate chip cookies from the cabinet and settled down against the sofa. She picked up her phone and called Elliot to check on him, but he didn't answer.

She tossed the package of cookies onto the coffee table and slipped her shoes back on as she grabbed her keys and headed across town to Elliot's apartment. She drove past the building and circled the block, but his car was gone. Olivia dialed Elliot's number once more, but it was obvious his cell was turned off.

She drove around for a little while checking all of the places she thought he could possibly be. Finally she found his car parked outside a bar they used to get drinks at after work. She pulled in beside his car and walked inside.

Her partner was sitting at the bar with a line of empty shot glasses lined up in front of him. Elliot sat quietly with his hands on his forehead as he stared down at the bar.

"Can I get a beer?" She asked the bartender as she sat down beside him.

Elliot raised his tired eyes to look over at her. "Don't say it, alright. I don't really need it right now."

"I was gonna ask if I could buy you a beer?"

Elliot stared into her soft brown eyes. "You weren't going to say anything about me being drunk?"

"Just that you really shouldn't drink alone. I went over to Kathy's after the service. I figured you would, too."

"I was going to. I went home and changed. I just couldn't, Liv. A bunch of people that I have not seen in months coming around telling me how sorry they are about the death of my child. And asking a hundred questions about the break up of my marriage. Telling happy little stories about Maureen and trying to force a smile. I don't feel like smiling. My daughter is dead. I don't feel like laughing and telling happy little stories. I am hurt and pissed and angry and I feel like slamming back a few more shots of Patron and continuing to feel like shit until I vomit or pass out. Whatever comes first."

"Sounds like fun," she said sarcastically as she sat her beer bottle down. "It's a real shame I almost missed this."

He turned to look at her. "What am I gonna do, Liv? My baby girl is gone and I feel like the heart was ripped right out of my chest. I will never see her graduate college or give her away," he said as he stared at her with misty eyes. "I will never hold her babies or hear her laugh again. She is just gone. And I will never see her again."

They talked for a few hours as Elliot gave up on the shots and settled for beer. They had moved to a table in the back of the room to get a little more privacy.

Olivia excused herself to the ladies room leaving Elliot alone at the table for the moment. As she returned a few minutes later a guy from the bar stood up to talk to her. The man was hitting on her and asked her if he could buy her a drink. Olivia politely declined and walked back toward the table. But as she did the man followed behind her. He grabbed her hand and tugged at her arm as he flirted with her.

"Thank you, but I should really get back to my friend," she said as she pulled away from him again.

"Baby, come on. At least tell me your name. Give me your number or something."

"Look, I am just not looking for a relationship right now. I'm sorry," she said as she pulled her hand away from him once more.

This time the man wrapped his arms around her and tried to kiss her. Olivia struggled with him to get him to let her go as she heard Eliot's voice from behind her.

"She asked you to let her go," he said as he pushed the man's hands off of her. "You need to apologize to the lady," Elliot demanded.

Before Olivia knew what was going on the two men were fighting and rolling around in the floor. Elliot was successfully taking his frustrations out on the man, when the bartender shouted at Olivia to break it up.

"If you don't get him out of here I am going to have to call the cops," the man said from behind the bar.

"Okay," she said grabbing Elliot by the arm and pulling him off of the other man.

She stepped between Elliot and the other man as she tried to talk him down, but Elliot just reached around her to swing at the man.

"Elliot, stop!" She yelled as she pushed him back against the wall and stood between him and the man on the floor.

Olivia was a little nervous putting herself in this position. She knew that Elliot would never hit her, but standing between two drunk and angry men at they took shots at each other was not her idea of fun.

Just when she thought things had stopped, the man behind her made a comment to Elliot and he went after the guy again. This time Olivia just reacted. She did the only thing she knew would stop him. She balled up her fist and punched her partner in the jaw sending him stumbling backwards and into the wall.

"I fucking said stop!" She snapped as Elliot held his jaw and stared up at her.

A few minutes later Olivia pushed him into her car and drove them back to her apartment. Inside she fixed Elliot an ice pack and sat down on the arm of her sofa handing it to him.

"Jesus Christ, Liv! You didn't have to hit me!"

"You wouldn't stop. The bartender was going to call the police!"

"I am the police!"

"Right. So think how pleasant it would have been when uniforms from the 2-7 showed up and stuffed you into the back seat of their car, then hauled you away in handcuffs. I know that you are going through…probably the hardest thing you will ever have to face in life, but you can't just go around beating the hell out of people!"

"He had his hands all over your ass! You have asked him to leave you alone, hell you even pushed him away and demanded it. The guy deserved what he got. Shit! I should have just let you beat the hell out of him. You pack one hell of a right hook."

Olivia stared over at Elliot as he looked up at her and they both cracked a smile. In moments they were laughing.

"This really isn't funny. You could have gotten in so much trouble tonight, Elliot. Over a guy grabbing my ass. It isn't worth it."

"I still cannot believe you punched me."

"Well, the next time I tell you to stop….I suggest you stop."

Elliot smiled as she stood up and walked into back into the kitchen.

"Where are you going?"

"To get you some aspirin," she said as she pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator and carried the bottle of pills to him. "Trust me, you are going to need both of these in the morning."

Elliot popped a couple of aspirin and watched as she disappeared into the back of the apartment. She returned a few minutes later with a pillow and a blanket.

"There are fresh towels and extra blankets on the shelf in the hall closet."

"Why do you do this?"

"Do what?" She asked softly.

"No matter how badly I screw things up, you just keep bailing me out."

"That is what friends do, El. Make sure no matter what you go through, you don't have to face it alone."

Elliot smiled. "So I beat the shit out of a guy in a bar and you let me crash on your couch?"

"Yeah, well…I don't really think you should be alone right now."

"I just miss her, Liv."

"I know," she said holding his hand. "I'm gonna go on to bed. If you need anything, just let me know."

Elliot nodded his head as she stood to go.

"Good night, Liv."

"Night, El." She smiled her soft pretty smile and waved to him as she disappeared down the hallway.

Elliot laid back on her sofa and closed his eyes. He exhaled softly and thought for a moment about how much he had lost over the last few days. And although nothing would ever fill the empty space that Maureen's death left in his heart, Elliot realized how much he still had to be thankful for. He still had four healthy children and a good relationship with his ex-wife. He had a good job that he loved, great co-workers and an amazing best friend who was always there for him.

He opened his eyes and stared out the window at the stars. Tonight was the first night in several that the sky was clear. He stared up at the stars as he heard Maureen's five year old voice echoed in his mind….

"Daddy, what are stars made of?"

Elliot closed his eyes as his tears began to fall once more.


	4. 4 Blame

_**Daddy's Girl**_

_**(Chapter Four: Blame)**_

**Olivia was sitting at her desk checking her email when Elliot sat down in front of her.**

"**What are you doing here? You are supposed to be taking some time off."**

"**Time off doesn't help, Liv. I just sit around and think about her and get depressed all over again. I need to just pour myself into work. It is the only way I am going to get through this. So is there any update on the case?"**

"**El, you know I am not supposed to tell you that."**

"**Olivia, please. This kid killed four people that night. One of them, my little girl. I need to know that we are going to get him."**

"**He is being charged with four counts of vehicular homicide, second degree murder," she said looking at him. "He is nineteen years old, Elliot."**

"**Old enough to know that when you drink and drive people get hurt. Four people will never see their families again because of him. Wait a minute, he is **_**being**_** charged…. It has been four days, why hasn't he been to court already?"**

**Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Because, Casey isn't ready yet."**

"**Why isn't she ready?"**

"**Elliot….the D. A. wants her to try to flip the kid for the person who provided the alcohol at that party."**

"**They are gonna let him go? He murdered four people and they are just going to let him go?" Elliot shouted and slammed his fists down on the desk as he stood there glaring at her. "He's just going to get away with it."**

"**No, they are not going to let him go. They are going to make him a deal for a lesser charge. He will be sent to a rehabilitation facility and then serve jail time. But they will cut him a deal and reduce his sentence. El, I know it is hard to hear, but this way we get both people responsible. Four people are dead and several others injured, because someone thought it was alright to provide for a party, a party where underage students were served. Then one of those students chose to try to drive and caused a horrible accident. We need this person, Elliot. This nineteen year old kid was not even old enough to purchase alcohol."**

"**Let me guess. Rich kid, he comes from a good home and has never really been in any trouble."**

**Olivia nodded.**

"**He'll probably serve about three years for each count. Nothing compared to what he should serve."**

"**I'm so sorry, Elliot. I can only imagine how hard this must be on you," Casey said from behind him.**

"**The cop in me wants to see that giving this kid a break is for the greater good, but the father in is heartbroken and just wants the bastard to pay for what he did to my daughter and those other people. I know why, Casey and I understand it. But that doesn't make it any easier to accept." **

"**How are Kathy and the kids doing?" Casey asked him.**

"**Dickie wont talk about it or her, Elizabeth sits in her room and cries non stop, Kathleen wont talk to anyone about anything and Eli keeps asking for sissy. How do you explain to an eighteen month old that his older sister is never coming back? Kathy is worse off than I am. She has given up on the idea of sleep, instead she walks the floor every night going room to room and checking on the other children."**

"**And how are you doing?"**

"**I'm breathing. Taking it day by day. Thanking God for every day I wake up and feeling guilty for living it, because my daughter isn't. I try to spend as much time with the kids as I can."**

"**Elliot, I promise you that I am not going to let this kid walk with out doing some time. The time at the rehabilitation center is non-negotiable. He has lost his drivers license until he is at least twenty one years old, no matter what the outcome of the trial. If he will cooperate and give me the name of the person or persons who provided the liquor for the party, then I am willing to work out something on the time."**

"**Casey, four people lost their lives. How much are you willing to bargain with a killer?"**

"**Killers, Elliot. And bargaining is the only way I am going to find the other people responsible. That nineteen year old boy was driving the car, but a gun is no use without bullets. Whoever allowed this boy to drink that night provided him the ammunition, that kid never would have left that party drunk if someone hadn't been serving alcohol to underage students. I promise I will get justice for Maureen and the other victims of that night. I wont stop until I do."**

**Casey stared into his foggy eyes as Elliot nodded and forced a timid smile. "Thanks, Case."**

**Casey nodded back to him as she walked back toward the elevator with her files in her hand.**

* * *

**Later that afternoon Elliot stepped into the elevator at Mercy General and pressed the button for the fourth floor. He walked down the hallway counting the room numbers until he had reached number four twelve. He took a deep breath and sighed fighting back tears as he knocked on the door frame of the opened door and stepped inside.**

"**Mr. Stabler?" **

**The dark headed girl in the bed was bruised and broken. It killed Elliot to even see her, especially like this, knowing she was the last one to see Maureen before this nightmare had taken place. He had thought long and hard about what he would say to her when he saw her. But now, as he stood before her with a bouquet of flowers in his hand, he could offer no words at all.**

**Part of him wanted to scream at the girl for not being a better driver. Or to reprimand her for being at that party in the first place, knowing very well that she was not of drinking age either. But he knew that she was not responsible for the accident. Part of him wanted to hug her, to just wrap his arms tightly around this girl and hug her until they had both cried out all of the sorrow and regret they held inside. **

**Instead, he just stood there. Feet locked in place and knees trembling, threatening to give way at any moment. With a knot in his throat the size of a golf ball and tears now streaming down both sides of his face, he just stood there and looked into her blue eyes.**

"**Mr. Stabler? Are you alright?"**

**Elliot shook his head and gulped, feeling as if her would throw up or pass out at any moment. But he didn't. **

"**No," he whispered as he shook his head. "I don't think I will ever be alright again," he said softly as he stared at the girl in the bed.**

**She didn't even blink. She just stared back. Her eyes locked on his, blue on blue until they were both crying.**

"**I am so sorry," she sobbed softly as she began to break down.**

**Elliot walked over to the side of her bed and hugged her.**

"**It wasn't your fault," he said softly. "None of this was your fault. I know that. No one blames you, Maddie. You need to know that."**

"**I do," she said tipping her head and forcing a smile. "But I can't help but feel guilty. I was driving the car."**

**Elliot laid the flowers on the bed beside her and squeezed her hand.**

"**She was my best friend, Mr. Stabler. I was driving the car and I wrecked and my best friend is now dead, because I…."**

"**No! Maureen is dead because some nineteen year old kid was drinking at a party and thought it was okay to get behind the wheel. Three other people died in that accident and you and several others were hurt. The only people at fault here are the boy who was driving and those people who provided alcohol and let a bunch of teenagers drink at a party."**

**Maddie stared at him for a moment then buried her face in her hands. "But Mr. Stabler…."**

"**Madison, you and Maureen have been friends since nursery school. Honey, you have slept over at my house so much I could have charged you rent," he laughed. "Call me Elliot."**

"**Elliot, Maureen and I knew there would be alcohol at that party when we went."**

"**You can go and not drink."**

"**But we did drink. Well, she did. That is why I was driving. Maureen drank a couple of beers at the party. She never drank. But there was this guy that she liked. He was there and they were talking. I would have been drinking too, but I was having a fight with my boyfriend. We only stayed an hour or so. Maureen was bored and I was depressed because I had just broken up with David, so we decided to head back to the dorm. Maureen wanted to call a cab, but I hadn't been drinking at all….I swear. So she gave me her car keys and I drove the car. Now I wish I had just let her call a cab."**

"**Honey, you couldn't have known anything was going to happen. You girls did the right thing. She shouldn't have been drinking, but she did and she was responsible about it. She knew not to drink and drive. That if she ever got into a situation, to call a cab or call me and I would pick her up."**

"**Just before…." she took a deep breath and started again, "we were talking about the guy she liked from the party. He had asked her out and she was excited. Then a song came on the radio and we were singing along. She was laughing and smiling. I looked over at her and she smiled at me, that was when I saw the headlights through the window behind her. The driver of the other car ran the red light and hit her side of the car hard. I tried to stop the car, but we spun and slid on the ice. I swerved to try to keep from hitting another car and the car flipped and rolled down that hill. I could hear her scream. Then I heard a loud crash and that's all I remember. When I woke up here….the doctor told me that my best friend since preschool was dead." **

**She was quiet for a few minutes as she cried. Elliot just held her hand and stared down at her fingers locked between his. She had a French manicure with glitter nail polish, just like Maureen had her nails done when Elliot had noticed her ring back the night of the accident.**

"**I miss her so much," Maddie confessed as she looked up at Elliot.**

"**So do I, honey. So do I."**

**The room was quiet for a moment, then Elliot stood to go. "Listen, Maddie. If you ever want to talk….about Maureen or the accident or anything, give me a call. Just remember that none of this was your fault and nobody blames you. It was an accident. A terrible, tragic accident and I know that you did everything that you could to help her. You were her best friend and she loved you very much."**

"**I loved her, too. Like she was my sister."**

"**She wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this. She would want you to try to move on and be happy."**

"**I know," she whispered.**

"**Take care, sweetheart." **

**Elliot hugged her again and turned to go.**

"**You too, Mr…. Elliot."**

**Elliot smiled at her and watched as she wiped the tears from her cheeks and smiled back at him. **


	5. 5 Perfect

_**Daddy's Girl**_

_**(Chapter Five: Perfect)**_

**It was New Year's Eve and the gang had all made big plans to attend the party at one of the ritzy hotels in Manhattan. The guys were all dressed in their tuxes and Olivia looked stunning in a knee length, sheer black dress that seemed to float when she walked. The dress looked as if were made just to fit her. Thin straps showed off her shoulders and the material around the bust seemed to wrap perfectly around her body. It had a black satin sash just under the bust tying in the back and soft black feathers trimmed the bottom of the skirt. She looked incredible. **

**Elliot hadn't gotten out much over the last month and hadn't intended on coming to this party. The reservations had been made months before any of the tragic mess had taken place and the tickets were already paid for. Still, Elliot would have been perfectly happy sitting home alone tonight with a six pack of beer and the remote control. But this time Olivia was not taking no for an answer.**

**She had gone out of her way to make this as easy as she could on Elliot, all he had to do was show up. She had come over earlier in the day to pick out his suit for him and arrived later in a taxi to pick him up. She was determined to show him a good time tonight.**

**They all sat around the table in a large ballroom watching as the other guests took to the dance floor. Olivia sipped champagne from her glass as Elliot tried to pretend he was having a good time.**

"**You are miserable, aren't you?" She asked looking at him as if he had just been caught.**

"**This is not really my kind of thing."**

"**So, why did you buy the ticket?"**

"**You wanted to come."**

"**Yes, but if you wanted to do something else, Elliot you could have. I was just trying to get you out of your apartment."**

"**I wanted to spend New Year's Eve with my best friend," he said taking a sip of the champagne and making an awful face. "I need a beer."**

"**This is a five star hotel, Elliot. They don't serve beer at these things."**

"**I really need a beer."**

**Olivia looked around the room for a moment. The truth was, Elliot was not the only one bored out of his mind. "Beer it is," she said standing and walking toward the door. **

"**What are you…."**

"**Are you coming?" She asked looking back at him from over her shoulder.**

**Elliot grabbed his tuxedo jacket off the back of his chair. He followed Olivia to the desk where she handed the kid the ticket to get her coat. They stepped outside and he flagged them a cab. Once inside Olivia rambled off an address and they were on their way.**

**A few blocks across town was a small bar. The place was tiny and seemed to be lacking the usual noisy crowd you find in most places on New Year's Eve in Manhattan. Elliot paid the man and followed Olivia into the bar. A handful of people were scattered through the room and they all seemed to look up at Elliot and Olivia as they walked into the room. Neither of them was dressed to be in a place like this.**

"**Can I get a couple of beers?" Olivia asked stretching her long legs to lean across the bar and make eye contact with the bartender.**

"**Coming right up, ma'am." He twisted the cap off two beers and sat them on the bar in front of her as she handed him a five dollar bill.**

**Olivia took the beers and turned to look at Elliot handing one of them off to him. "So, now what?"**

"**I…I don't know."**

"**Do you want to get a table?"**

"**Sure," Elliot said walking toward the back of the room.**

"**I meant a pool table," she said tipping her head and smiling at him as every man in the room pretended not to notice her.**

"**You want to play pool?"**

"**I want to do something. It is New Year's Eve, Elliot. In…" she twisted his arm to look at his watch, "an hour and fifteen minutes, it will be a whole new year!"**

"**I guess I am just not that excited this year."**

"**Com on, El. It is a new chance to make things better than they were last year."**

"**If I manage to pull all of my children safely through this year then it **_**will**_** be better than last year."**

**Olivia stared down at the floor for a minute unsure of what to sat to him. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to. Maybe I shouldn't have forced you to come out tonight."**

"**No. You were right. I needed to get out. Sitting at home alone on new Year's Eve and being miserable wasn't going to fix anything."**

"**Are you sure you're okay with this?"**

"**I'm good. And I am sure I'll feel even better after you kick my ass at a few games of pool. It's nice just to be out with my best friend."**

"**Okay," she said with a smile as she handed him a pool cue. "You break." **

**Two games of pool and about three beers later they sat at a table in the back just talking. This was the first time in a long time they had just hung out together and it felt nice for both of the. They talked a little about work and cases and the trial of the boy who caused the accident. **

**That conversation soon brought Elliot around to telling happy and funny stories about a young Maureen and the crazy things Elliot went through in becoming a new father. This was the first time that Elliot was able to set aside the emotions of a heartbroken father and talk about everything he was feeling. This was the first time that he realized that he wasn't just heartbroken over losing his daughter, he was also lonely. And he had been lonely for quite some time now. **

**Elliot hadn't even dated anyone in the year and a half since his divorce from Kathy. He had just never really felt that he was ready. And now, sitting across from Olivia drinking beer and making small talk it felt really good to have a little female companionship. Even if the female in question happened to be his best friend and partner.**

**Elliot picked up his beer bottle and took a sip as his eyes scanned the room around him. Nearly every man in the room was staring at the beautiful woman in front of him and wondering how a guy like Elliot could ever get a girl like her. It was a little amusing, he thought to himself, that so many people looked at them an assumed they were a couple just because they were spending New Year's Eve together in a bar.**

**Many of the guys who kept stealing glimpses at Olivia were themselves here with other women. But somehow the girl they had walked in with didn't seem as interesting as the beautiful creature now sitting across from Elliot. And why shouldn't she gather attention from men? **

**Olivia had always been attractive. She was very smart, with a toned body, golden skin and long legs. She had a warming laugh, a great personality and a smile like sunshine. She was a very beautiful woman. Elliot could see how so many men could find interest in her. Infact, in many ways, Olivia fit the description of his dream girl perfectly. But she was also, his best friend and his partner and he knew he would never forgive himself if they tried something romantic and ruined their bond over it.**

"**El?" She asked with a soft smile. "Are you sure you're alright?"**

"**Yes," he replied not completely sure what she had even said to him.**

**Olivia smiled again as she laughed softly. "You weren't even listening, were you?"**

"**I'm sorry, Liv. I guess I kind of zoned out for a moment."**

"**I said fifteen minutes until midnight."**

"**Yeah. Have you thought of a resolution?" He asked watching a smile spread across her face.**

"**I don't do resolutions."**

"**No?"**

"**Well, I don't smoke. I rarely drink. I am happy with my weight and I really can't think of anything I need to resolve to fix."**

"**What about your romantic life?"**

"**What about it? I mean I guess the fact that I don't really have time for one is a little inconvenient, but sort of believe that if it is right, it will happen. Until then I am going to continue to live my life in the way that is best for me. What about you?"**

"**What about me?"**

"**Do you have a resolution?"**

"**Yeah about half a dozen. Spend more time with my kids. Especially after what we have all gone through over the few weeks. Finish unpacking the things in my apartment."**

"**Elliot, you have lived there for eighteen months and you are still not unpacked?"**

"**I know. I guess somewhere a part of me was holding on to the hope that I would eventually be moving back home with Kathy and the kids. That is another one. To move on."**

"**Romantically?"**

"**Yes. I waited for a long time for Kathy to call and ask me to come back home. I didn't want to give up my family or the thought of us all being happy together. But then we lost Maureen and when the call I had waited for so long finally came, I realized that I was finally starting to move forward again. I waited a year and a half for her to ask me to come back home and when she did, I turned her down. Kathy and I, we had our time. And it was good for a while. We had five beautiful children together and in an odd sort of way she will always be my family. But I don't love her the way I used to love her. And I don't want to be with her again. To move back home would have helped us all to get through losing Maureen, but it also would have given false hope for a reconciliation. To me, to Kathy and to the kids. It wouldn't have been fair to anyone."**

"**That is three."**

"**Three?"**

"**You said you had half a dozen resolutions."**

"**Right. Get out more. Even if it is just a beer and a game of pool with my friends. I have been way too withdrawn."**

"**Four."**

"**Sleep in the bed."**

**Olivia laughed. "That is an odd one."**

"**In the year and a half I have been divorced I have been sleeping on the sofa in the living room. I bought a brand new queen sized bed when I moved out and it has not been slept in one single night. I just couldn't do it. I guess after nearly twenty years of marriage I got used to feeling someone sleeping beside me."**

"**And number six?"**

"**Forgive."**

**Olivia tipped her head and stared into his eyes.**

"**Forgive Kathy for giving up on our marriage. Forgive that kid for making a mistake. Forgive God for taking my baby away from me and most of all forgive myself for feeling so guilty about it all."**

**Olivia exhaled softly and laid her hand on top of Elliot's, closing her fingertips softly around his.**

"**Guess I have my work cut out for me this year," he said staring into her eyes.**

"**You can do it. I believe in you. And I will do everything I can to help."**

**Elliot took a deep breath and smiled back at her as the crowd began the countdown to midnight. Olivia smiled back at him as she began to count as well.**

"**Seven," she said with the crowd. "Six."**

"**Five," Elliot said staring into her eyes.**

"**Four, three, two, one," they counted together.**

"**Happy New Year!" Strangers began to shout around them as streamers and confetti fell everywhere.**

"**Happy New Year, Elliot Stabler."**

"**Happy New Year, Olivia Benson," he said softly as he squeezed her hand in his.**

**They sat for a few moments just staring at each other unaware of the chaos going on around them. **

**Moments later Olivia cleared her throat and picked up her small black purse from the table. "I should be heading home."**

"**Yeah," Elliot agreed standing and helping her with her coat.**

**They walked out onto the sidewalk as a taxi pulled up. Elliot leaned in the window to give the driver her address. **

"**You go ahead," he said opening the car door for her.**

"**Are you sure?"**

"**Yes. I'll catch the next one."**

"**Elliot, it is New Year's Eve in Manhattan. It is near impossible to catch a cab. We lucked into this one."**

"**The lady is right," the driver called form the front seat. "Most drivers are outside the bigger places waiting for passengers. I just happened to be coming down the street. You could call dispatch, but you are looking at about an hour wait."**

"**Elliot, share lets just share the cab."**

"**Alright," he said climbing into the seat beside her. **

**Olivia gave the driver Elliot's address as well and they were off. Twenty minutes later Olivia found herself standing on Elliot's front stood saying her goodbye. Behind her the cab waited to take her back to her apartment for the evening.**

"**Thank you, Liv. I am so glad that I let you talk me into going out tonight. And I appreciate you giving up your fancy New Year's Eve bash at the hotel to hang out at a bar with me."**

"**Hey, we made the lobster dinner. That was the best part anyway," she joked. "I had a really good time tonight," she said only then realizing how much it sounded like she was saying goodnight at the end of a date. **

"**So did I," Elliot said staring into her pretty brown eyes. **

**Olivia smiled nervously as she looked back at the car waiting for her. "I should…" she raised her hand to point at the taxi as her eyes met his. "Happy new Year, Elliot."**

"**Happy New Year Liv," he said softly and that was it.**

**The next thing she remembered their mouths were pressed firmly together and their hands explored each other's bodies as they slammed against the wall making their way to his bedroom. **

**Olivia moaned softly at the feel of his mouth against her skin. Elliot kissed and touched areas of her beautiful body that he had haunted his dreams for years. The soft moans radiating from her let him know he was not the only one enjoying this. **

**She kissed him passionately as they fell against the bed him on top of her. She stared up at him above her as she smoothed her hands under the shirt of his tuxedo. She dragged her fingertips over the lines of his chest as he reached behind her fumbling with the zipper of the dress. After several tries and only managing to get the zipped half way down Elliot gave up and mover his hands under her skirt tearing off her lacy black thong. **

**Olivia laughed at his impatience as she helped him strip away his own clothing. Elliot raised her back from the bed fumbling once more with the zipper of the dress. Olivia smiled as she sat up and pulled the dress over her head, dropping it into the floor.**

**Within seconds he was on top of her again. His hands were strong and his kisses passionate, just as she had always imagined they would be. She gasped breath against his ear as Elliot looked down at her.**

"**Shit! I don't have anything," he confessed as she groaned growing tired of waiting. "The last time I had sex it was with my wife and we didn't use condoms. How do you think we got so many kids?"**

**Olivia smiled and pulled him close to kiss him again. "I'm on the pill," she whispered as she pressed her forehead against his. **

"**Thank God," he said returning his attention to her mouth. **

**They rolled around under the blankets for a few more minutes, then it was happening. Elliot was inside of her and they were making love. In just moments he had her moaning softly against his mouth.**

**They were good together and the sex was hot. Olivia dragged her manicured fingernails over Elliot's back as he moved inside of her. She held his body tight against hers as they moaned softly together.**

**After a while Elliot seemed to slow down. He stopped moving for and just stared down at her underneath him.**

**Olivia smiled nervously. "El, is everything okay?" She asked as she brushed her finger tip across his brow. She could see tears rising behind his eyes.**

**Elliot raised up over her in the bed and turned his head to look away for a moment.**

"**Hey? El? Talk to me," she whispered.**

"**I'm sorry, Olivia," he whispered as his eyes met hers once more.**

**She cupped her hand against the side of his face and kissed him tenderly. "It's alright," she said softly. She wrapped her arms around Elliot as he lowered himself against her body. By not he was crying and he didn't really know why. Olivia didn't either, but it didn't matter. He needed to let it all out and she just held him tight in her arms and let him cry.**

**Nearly an hour later things were quiet once more. Elliot was resting peacefully beside her and Olivia just watched him as he slept. She sat up slowly and turned scrunching her toes up in the plush carpet. She picked up Elliot's cell phone beside the bed and called for a cab. She closed the phone and laid it back down, then rubbed her hands over her face. What had she done?**

**Olivia picked up her stiletto heel from the floor beside the bed as she looked around the room for the other. **

"**I'm sorry," she heard his voice say from behind her.**

**She pulled the sheet around her body and looked over her shoulder at him.**

"**It's alright. I'm the one who should be sorry. I never should have let it go this far."**

"**I wanted to."**

"**So did I," she said softly and he could hear the disappointment in her voice. "You're not ready for this, Elliot. And if I had been thinking about anything other than what I wanted I would have realized that **_**before**_** we were both naked. You have a lot going on." She tightened her sheet and stood up from the bed.**

"**Don't go, Liv." She looked at him as he patted the bed. "Sit and talk to me."**

**She exhaled softly as she sat back on the edge of the bed. "Elliot, I'm not good for you."**

"**You are very good for me," he said raising up on his elbow in the bed to look at her. "You are the only one who has kept me going these past few weeks."**

"**You needed a friend tonight and I…I knew what would happen if I followed you inside. But I wanted it to happen, so I did it anyway. It was selfish of me and I'm sorry."**

"**I'm not. I'm only sorry I cried like a girl and didn't give you the finish you were hoping for. It was awful."**

"**It wasn't that bad," she said modestly.**

"**It was lousy and you deserved so much more. We both did. We waited so long to be together then I ruined it."**

"**The actual sex wasn't that bad."**

"**The sex was hot! All seven minutes of it."**

**Olivia smiled.**

"**It was the crying like a baby part that destroyed the mood. All in all quite a horrible experience."**

"**It was pretty awful. But you weren't ready for this. I know there is an attraction between us. There has been since the day we met. But attraction is not enough to turn sex into love. Especially when you are looking for something you are not ready to find."**

**Elliot cupped his hand against her cheek and brought her lips to meet his. "Please stay with me," he said tracing his thumb over her bottom lip. "Just let me hold you."**

**She stared into his eyes knowing that his offer sound so incredible. "El…"**

"**And in the morning, I will let you go. Stay with me," he requested patting the bed beside him.**

**Olivia exhaled softly and dropped her shoe back into the floor. With her sheet still tucked tight around her she laid back down in the bed scooting in against Elliot. She laid her head against his bare chest as he closed his arms around her and kissed her tenderly.**

**Elliot kissed her forehead as she traces little circles on his chest with her fingertip. It had been so long since any man had wanted to hold her, she had almost forgotten how good it felt. She nestled her cheek against him and closed her eyes sucking in a deep breath and taking in the scent of his cologne. She was almost asleep when she heard the honking of the car horn in the street below Elliot's bedroom window. **

**Olivia opened her eyes to see Elliot staring into them. "I am glad you decided to stay," he said softly. "Tonight didn't exactly turn out the way either of us had planned, but I am glad that it brought us to where we are right now."**

"**You don't regret it?"**

"**Two lonely people are with someone they love on New Year's Eve, Olivia. What is there to regret?"**

**She smiled softly and kissed his chest. "We'll just have to work out the details before we try the sex part again."**

"**You would seriously let me touch you again?"**

"**I don't know. I think maybe we were on to something good. If we get the timing right, it could be pretty amazing."**

"**Definitely," Elliot said with a smile as he kissed her again.**

**Olivia settled against him once more as they listened to her cab drive away. She closed her eyes and spent that night in the arms of the man she loved. Not quite the way she had dreamed of it all happening, but perfect in an Elliot and Olivia sort of way.**


	6. 6 Willing To Wait

_Daddy's Girl_

_(Chapter Six: Willing To Wait)_

Elliot opened his eyes to look down at the woman in his arms. Her golden skin glowing in the early morning sunlight that peeked through the window across the room. Her body seemed to fit so perfectly against his and he realized that holding any woman had never felt this natural. He kissed her forehead and Olivia stirred a little in his arms.

It was still early and the sun had just come up. Too early, he thought to break such a perfect embrace. Somewhere in the night the blanket had been pushed down to the foot of the bed and she laid against him now covered only by the thin flat sheet. Elliot, however was barely covered by a small piece of the sheet that had come untucked from her carefully covered body.

He smiled as she reached down with his foot and shifted the blankets, trying to pull them up with out waking the angel in his arms. He pulled the blankets up around them and raised his arm from her shoulder to cover her before replacing it again.

Olivia moaned softly and smiled against him. "Thank you."

"It was starting to get a little chilly in here. I wouldn't want to be responsible for you catching a cold."

Olivia laughed a little and rolled her hear up to stare into his eyes. "That is really sweet. Good morning."

"Good morning," he said with a smile. "Well, you are not running away screaming, so it must be a pretty good one."

Olivia smiled again. "Stop that."

"What?"

"Cutting yourself down. You are such a wonderful person. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Elliot raised his arm to comb his fingers through her hair. "I'm nervous. It has been so long since I even thought about a woman romantically. Mix that with the fact that I have been more than a little bit in love with you for….well, as long as I have known you and now you are naked in my bed. Nervous is a bit of an understatement."

She smiled again. God he loved her smile.

"Nervous about what? I don't bite," she laughed playfully. "Unless you want me to."

Elliot smiled nervously.

"There is no rush, Elliot. So take your time. I am here and I am going to be here for long time. I'm not going anywhere. I want this," she said placing her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat, "among other things." She smiled at him as she scooted in against him and kissed him tenderly. "But I am willing to wait for it. As long as you need. I am here."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"Shhh," she said placing her fingertip against his lips as she kissed him once more. "It is Saturday and it is barely seven o'clock in the morning. What do you say we curl back up together under these blankets and catch up on our sleep?"

"I say that is an amazing idea."

Olivia smiled as she positioned herself in his arms once more. She stared into his eyes as he kissed her tenderly and they fell quickly back to sleep.

* * *

The next few weeks flew by quickly. Elliot and Olivia spent a lot of time together, but never really spoke about the night of their failed sex attempt. They hung out together outside of work and acted like a couple of shy teenagers, stealing a kiss here and there. Each kiss a little longer and more passionate than the last, always stopping before things went too far.

Elliot loved her. He knew this. It had been obvious to him for a while now. But he wanted to make sure that things were not going to turn out the way they had the first time before he made his move again. One more disappointment like that would surely push her away from him forever. This time when he made his move, he had to be sure he could follow through with amazing sex. He couldn't disappoint her again.

The next few days passed and soon Olivia's birthday had rolled around. She, like most women had been a little depressed about growing another year older and had been kind of quiet all morning. Elliot ordered in Olivia's favorite Chinese food when they ended up stuck at the precinct with paperwork up to their ears and couldn't slip away for lunch.

That afternoon, she was left to the paperwork while he was off to court. Olivia sat at her desk to see him walk back through the door, secretly wishing he would pull his Prince Charming bit and return with a romantic surprise. But she had no such luck. Infact, Elliot didn't return at all. After court he called Cragen and told him that he had a family thing he had to take care of and took some personal time.

Olivia spent the rest of the afternoon distracted hoping everything was alright and debating whether or not to call him and ask him if he wanted to catch a movie or something that evening. She really didn't want to spend her birthday alone, but didn't want to see desperate and call him begging for a date. She just sat at her desk doodling little scribble marks all over her notes, anxiously waiting for quitting time so she could leave work.

When five o'clock rolled around she picked up the phone and called Elliot.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey."

"Is everything alright? Cragen said you had a thing. Are the kids okay?"

"Yeah, the kids are fine."

"Oh. Did you get it taken care of?"

"Oh, yeah. Nothing I couldn't handle. Listen, I have to go right now. But I'll call you later, alright?"

"Sure," she replied trying not to feel like she had just been stood up on her birthday. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Liv."

"Bye."

She closed her phone and stared down at it.

"Great," she growled feeling more than a little sorry for herself. She exhaled softly and pressed the button to unlock her car. On the way home she stopped and picked up a couple of movies at the video store. Tonight she would just spend her birthday with her friends 'Ben and Jerry.'

Olivia parked her car and fumbled with her keys as she walked up the steps. It wasn't until that moment that she noticed the sexy detective sitting on the steps in front of her building smiling at her.

"I thought you had plans," she said smiling as he stood to kiss her tenderly.

"I do," he replied with a smile. "And they start with a birthday dinner at your favorite restaurant."

"Really?" She said with a big grin.

"You didn't really think that I would ditch you on your birthday, did you?"

"I…I didn't really know what to think," she said twisting his tie in her hands.

"Well, if we go right now we can just make our reservation."

"I don't have time to change?"

"Why should you? You look beautiful." Elliot kissed her and closed his hand around hers. "Let's go," he whispered as she smiled again.

"Alright."

They shared an amazing dinner and a few glasses of wine. Elliot got up and danced with her, holding her tight in his arms and staring into her eyes. This night was everything, Olivia had hoped it would be. And so far, the best birthday she had ever had.

That evening Elliot walked her up the steps to her apartment. He unlocked the door and lean her inside by the hand. He tossed her keys on the table beside the door. He backed her across the room and laid her down on the sofa as one kiss lead to two and two to three and moments later they were caught up in a sexy make out session.

Olivia untucked his shirt and smoothed her hands over his chest under the material. She unbuttoned it as she kissed him and he moved his hands all over her body. They fumbled around in the darkened room lit only by moonlight as layers of clothing began to pile up in the floor.

A few minutes later Elliot stood up from the sofa and reached for her hand. He lead her across the room and turned on the light. Elliot smiled looking at her. Olivia stood topless in her bra and black slacks. He however was still fully clothed with his shirt untucked and about every other button undone.

He smiled and winked at her as he kissed her tenderly.

"Elliot," she said softly against his mouth. "If this is not leading to something, then we should stop now. Because I am not so sure I can keep doing this."

Elliot smiled and kissed her again. He broke his lips from hers and pressed their foreheads together as he shifted his eyes to look down the hallway.

"So should we go back there?"

Olivia smiled as she stared into his eyes and kissed him again.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure if you are."

"I'm sure," she whispered as she tipped her head to look down the hallway. In the floor all the way down the hallway, Elliot had scattered red rose petals and Olivia had been so busy she hadn't even noticed them until just now. She laughed a little and smiled. "What did you do?"

"I just wanted to make sure that you had a memorable birthday." She smiled again as they both stared down the hallway at the trail leading to the bedroom. "And I figured I owe you one incredible sexual experience."

Olivia laughed softly and stared into his eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. "It has already been a memorable birthday," she said brushing the bridge of her nose against his. "So, shall we find out where this trail leads?"

Elliot smiled. "I think that is a wonderful idea." He locked his fingers in hers as he lead her down the hallway and into the bedroom. He turned off the hall light and made his way around the room lighting several candles for a soft romantic glow. Then he returned to the bed and reached for her hand.

They stood face to face staring into each other's eyes as Elliot placed her palm against his chest. She slid her fingers down slowly unbuttoning his shirt and letting it fall into the floor. Elliot pulled her closer to him and smoothed his hands over the curve of her hips above her black slacks. He trailed his fingers around to the front and unbuckled her belt and dropped them to the floor. Olivia stepped out of the pile of fabric at her feet and reached to pull Elliot's belt from his pants as well. Before long they stood facing each other once more. This time she wore only her bra and panties and he was in his boxers.

Elliot kissed her again softly lowering her body to the bed he had already turned down and covered in rose petals. He made his way down to her painted toenails, massaging her feet and kissing each one softly as me moved up her body.

He kissed slowly up her calf muscle as he massaged it and continued upward kissing her knee and the inside of her thigh. He slipped his fingers under the thin strap of material over each of her hips as he pulled the panties down and freed her body of them.

Elliot kissed up her abdomen and smoothed his hands over her body as he unclasped her bra and stared for a moment admiring once more each curve of her beautiful body.

He kissed under her breasts, paying special attention to the little mole hidden just under the curve of her left breast. Olivia laughed a little as she smoothed her hands in his hair.

"That tickles."

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked looking up at her with those eyes.

"God, no."

Elliot smiled a sexy smile and returned to his mission. He nipped and sucked gently at her left breast, then moved to the right, careful to give it the same treatment. He kissed down her soft warm skin until he had reached his destination. Elliot raised one of her legs and placed it over his shoulder as flecked his tongue over her clit.

Olivia moaned and pressed her lips together barely able to breathe. Already they were doing so much better than their last attempt to make love. Elliot rubbed his hands over her abdomen as she moved her hips slowly against his mouth. She moaned softly and slipped her hands over his locking their fingers together as Elliot felt the heat of her wetness against his mouth. He continued working his magic and watched as she curled up the toes on both of her feet and gasped for air.

Elliot slid one hand down her leg to grasp her ankle and rolled her over onto her belly on the bed. Olivia moaned softly as he massaged her back and the backs of her legs for a few moments. He kissed slowly up her back and across her shoulder as Olivia turned her head to kiss him once more.

Caught up in the passionate kiss she rolled over and slid in under him. She kissed him again and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Make love to me," she cooed softly as she gazed lovingly into his eyes.

Elliot nodded and kissed her tenderly as she helped him free of his boxers. He lowered himself to her body and slid slowly inside of her. Olivia held tight to him and moaned softly as he began to move inside of her, this time there was no stopping them.

Elliot kissed her so passionately and she knew that when he stared into her eyes he could see straight into her soul. It was the most romantic night and incredible sex she had ever had in her life. Olivia held tight to his body as he thrust hard and smooth and strong into her. Elliot was strong and tender with her, giving her everything she had ever wanted from sex and much more.

They made love for well over an hour the first time, stopping only after an amazing finish together and they had both ran out of energy. Olivia fell against him, her body on his and rested there for a moment. They fell asleep together in each other's arms for a few hours then woke to make love again. This continued all through the night and most of the next morning, they just couldn't get enough of each other.

The next morning after making love until they just couldn't take it anymore, Olivia fell breathless against his chest as they both gasped for air. She giggled as she looked up at him and he wiped the sweat from her brow. Elliot kissed her and stared deep into her eyes.

"Marry me," he said softly as he kissed her.

"What?"

"I said marry me."

Olivia blinked her big brown eyes in confusion.

"Elliot, you cannot propose while we are in bed together."

"Why not?"

"Because," she said with a nervous laugh as she combed her fingers through her hair. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, I am very serious. I want you to marry me."

"El, I really don't think….I mean how can we….isn't it a little fast for this?" Olivia rolled over beside him in the bed. She laid on her stomach against her pillow and stared into his eyes.

"It is fast, I agree. But that doesn't mean the feelings aren't real." He kissed her tenderly as he continued. "If there is one thing I have learned from losing my daughter it is to hold on to the things you love in life, you never know when your time will run out and you will lose them. I love you, Olivia. I always have. For as long as I can remember. You worried that you weren't good for me baby, but the truth is that I am no good without you. We never know what day may be our last. I am asking you to spend the rest of my days as my wife. Olivia Benson," he said brushing his thumb against her jaw line as he kissed her tenderly, "will you marry me?"

She stared at him for a moment as a tear rolled down her cheek still barely able to believe that all of this was really happening. "Yes," she whispered softly.

_**{ Didn't see that coming, did ya? ;0P }**_


	7. 7 Secrets And Memories

_Daddy's Girl_

_(Chapter Seven: Secrets And Memories)_

Elliot looked in through the big double doors at the people sitting in the pews. Down the hall somewhere Olivia was readying herself for her big walk down the aisle and he was really hoping she wasn't having second thoughts.

He checked his watch once more and headed down the hall to knock on the door and check on her.

"Liv," he said softly from the other side of the door. "Can I come in for just a minute? I wont look, I promise."

"You can come in," she said softly as she stared into the mirror.

Elliot covered his eyes with his hand and stepped into the room.

"Are you alone?"

"El, you don't have to cover your eyes. It's alright."

He moved his hand and opened his eyes to stare at the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life.

"You look so beautiful. Like a princess."

"Thank you," she replied. "You look really handsome."

Olivia smiled at him as her eyes sparkled. Over the last few weeks they had been so caught up in planning the wedding that they really hadn't even had time alone together. It had been a short engagement, from her birthday on January twenty third to the actual wedding on Valentine's Day, giving them just over three weeks to iron out all of the details of a wedding. Elliot wanted it this way. He was confident that she was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and saw no reason to postpone it any longer.

But now as they sat here at the church with their friends as witnesses and the children all dressed and ready to walk down the aisle Olivia found herself very nervous.

"Liv, you know it's not too late if you've changed your mind."

She raised her head to look at him.

"This has all happened really fast and I will understand if you don't want to go through with this. But I do love you. More than anything. I guess I just got carried away in the romance and the idea of spending the rest of my life with you."

"I want to do this, Eliot. I love you, too."

He knelt in front of her and stared into her eyes, "Then what is it baby? I have seen that look in your eyes before and I know that something is bothering you. What's on your mind?"

"I'm not nervous about marrying you, Elliot. I think it is more the idea of getting up in front of all of those people."

Elliot locked his fingers in hers and stared into her eyes.

"I have an idea," he said standing and kissing her forehead. "Come with me."

He lead her down the hall and into the room where the priest sat waiting for the ceremony to begin.

"Lets do it now. Just you and me," Elliot said concentrating on the look in her eyes.

"What about the ceremony?"

"We can still do that for them. But this right here, this is the important part. The part that makes it legal. We should do this for us."

"You need a witness," the priest said looking at Elliot.

"Wait right here." he opened the door and caught Fin in the hallway. "I need a favor best man," he said dragging him into the room by the sleeve.

They stood there in that little room and exchanged their vows making their union legal. Elliot kissed his wife and smiled as he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Is that better?"

"Much better," Olivia said with a smile.

"Now are you ready to go out there and give them all what they came to see?"

Olivia smiled. "It seems strange having a big ceremony _after_ we are husband and wife."

"This is our day, Olivia. I want it to stay that way. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams. But it got stressful and we were both a little nervous about being in front of a crowd. Now we are married, so the pressure is off. Lets just go out there and enjoy the rest of this evening. After the big ceremony is the reception and then we get to go back to the hotel and enjoy our first night as husband and wife," he said with a wink.

"I'll see you out there," she said kissing him softly as he walked out the door.

Elliot stood at the front of the church watching as his wife made her way to him. Olivia had put a lot of thought into planning this wedding and selected a rose pink color to go with the white of the dresses. All of the flowers were pink and white and matched the pink sash on each of the girls dresses. Each of the guys and all of the guests were given a pink rose to pin on their suit or dress. And in the program, was a note explaining that pink was Maureen's favorite color and the pink ribbons and flowers were worn in her memory.

Sometime during the reception, Elliot slipped off to the honeymoon suite for a romantic evening with his new bride. After making love for about the fourth time that evening, they laid naked in each other's arms by the soft glow of the fireplace.

Elliot smoothed his hand over her long tan leg as Olivia moaned softly. He traced his fingertip over a small tattoo on her abdomen, that was normally covered by her bikini underwear.

"A butterfly?" Elliot asked with a grin as he looked up at her.

Olivia laughed. "I thought it was cute."

"Oh, it's cute. It's more than cute, it is hot."

She laughed again as Elliot kissed the spot. "That tickles," she said biting her lip as another moan slipped out.

"I never would have figured you for a tattoo."

"There are a few things about me that you don't know, Detective Stabler."

Elliot combed his fingers through her hair and traced his thumb over her jaw line as he kissed her passionately.

"So tell me. I want to know everything about you."

"You mean all of the things you should know about someone _before_ you marry them?"

"Everything. I know a lot already, the basic stuff. Your birthday, your favorite color and flower, favorite song, but there are things I don't know."

"You want to know something, just ask. I wont keep any secrets from you."

Elliot smiled and stared into her eyes. "What's your favorite memory from childhood?"

"Elliot…"

"I know you don't like to talk about it and there were a lot of bad memories. Surely there was at least one good one that comes to mind."

She thought for a minute and he watched as a smile slowly spread across her face. Olivia exhaled slowly and looked into his eyes.

"When I was five my mother took me to visit my grandmother. I had never met her before that. My mother was never close to any of her family and I wasn't allowed to ask questions. She woke me up early and I remember I wore this little white sundress with flowers on it and white sandals. It was summertime and I stuck my hand out the car window to feel the warm breeze between my fingers."

"Sounds adorable."

"Her family was from upstate and came from old money. But they didn't approve of anything my mother ever did. Including keeping the bastard child of her rapist. Her father disowned her. Years after he died, her mother sent a letter requesting to meet me. When we got there my mother lead me by the hand up a large staircase to a dark bedroom. My grandmother was lying in a large bed and she was weak. She smiled at me and dismissed my mother. A woman brought tea and cookies and we talked for a while. She told me I was pretty and I had her eyes. 'Olivia Dawn,' she said, 'my name is also Dawn.' She gave me this gold necklace with a little butterfly charm and said it would bring me luck. It was too big for me really, it was hers and made for an adult. I still have it. I, of course, was too young to realize that she was on her deathbed. My mother took me to meet my grandmother in hopes of making her way back into the will. Three months later, my grandmother passed away. Aside from my mother, she was the family I ever met."

"You were named after your grandmother?"

"Yes. Olivia Dawn Benson."

"Did she put your mother back in her will?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "No, she could see that my mother only came back for the money."

"So what happened to it?"

"When she died she left her entire estate in trust to a sole beneficiary."

"Was she one of those crazy old ladies who leaves her fortune to her cat?"

"Not her cat."

"No?"

Olivia shook her head. "Her five year old granddaughter."

"She left it all to you?"

"Crazy old woman, huh?"

"Are you serious?"

"I wouldn't lie to you."

"So, how is it that I have know you forever and you have never told me this?"

"Not exactly the kind of thing you advertise. No one knows and I think I'd like to keep it that way."

"How much are we talking here?"

"It's a pretty reasonable amount. Most of it is invested and there is some real estate."

"So, why do you….why this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why live where you do and do this kind of work, if you…"

"I live in my apartment, because I own the building. And I love this work. There is nothing else I would rather do."

"My wife is an heiress?"

Olivia laughed.

"It isn't that much, Elliot. But it's enough."

"Enough for what?"

"To live comfortably on and not have to worry about finances. And enough to not to have to worry about paying for the kids to attend college."

"You have had this money all of this time and you never spent any of it?"

"What exactly am I going to buy? I grew up poor. Not exactly poor, but with very little. I didn't receive any funds until I was twenty one years old. I guess I had just learned to survive without spending the money. I never really needed to use it."

"Your grandfather disowned your mother for having you?"

"No, he disowned her way before I was ever thought of. They never got along. He didn't approve of her lifestyle. The drinking and partying. I found a letter from him after my mother died. In it he said that he had forgiven her and begged her to come home so they could meet their grandchild. It was dated a week after I was born."

"He tried to bring you both back into his life."

"But she refused. I learned later that he wasn't the one who struck her from the will, it was my grandmother. She contacted my mother to tell her that her father was dying and his one wish was to see me before he was gone. But my mother never took me there, she never even called or sent him a letter or photograph. Then he died and my grandmother never forgave her. They wanted to be a part of my life. I could have had a family, but she denied me that."

"I'm sorry baby. At least you got to meet your grandmother, before she passed away."

"What about you?" she asked with a yawn.

"What about me?"

Olivia laughed. "What is your deep dark secret?"

"Well, there is this girl. And I am not supposed to be attracted to her, but I have been in love with her for years."

She smiled and kissed him tenderly. "I've been in love with you too," she whispered.


	8. 8 Distracted

_Daddy's Girl_

_(Chapter Eight: Distracted)_

_**ABOUT EIGHT MONTHS LATER….**_

Olivia opened her eyes and stretched in the bed. She smiled and smoothed her hand over the place where her husband slept. She rolled her head to look at the cold and empty pillow she found there and exhaled softly. Elliot hadn't been sleeping well lately and often got up and went in to work in the early hours, before the sun even rose. Work seemed to be the only thing he was really able to focus on anymore.

She yawned and stood from the bed combing her fingers through her hair. She made her way to the bathroom to begin her usual morning routine. She sat on the toilet barely awake and scoffed momentarily at her husbands inability to replace the empty toilet paper roll. Olivia reached forward under the sink and pulled out a fresh roll.

She stood in front of the mirror washing her hands and stared at her own reflection. She looked like crap. Elliot was not the only one who wasn't sleeping well lately.

Olivia reached into the shower and turned on the hot water. She pulled her gown over her head and dropped it into the floor, scrunching her toes on the thick plush of the bathroom rug as she stepped into the wall of steam. She lathered up a wash cloth and smoothed it slowly over her body, rubbing circles over her small but noticeable twenty week pregnant belly. She stepped under the water for a quick rinse then climbed out of the shower wrapping herself in a towel and moved back to the bedroom.

She made her way through the apartment grabbing her jacket and keys. She fixed herself her morning cup of tea in a travel cup and was on her way or she thought she was. Olivia placed her hand against the kitchen counter sitting her cup and keys down as her stomach began to churn. She drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly as she took off back down the hall toward the bathroom.

An hour later she finally walked in to work and sat down in front of her desk.

"Where's El?" she asked looking up at Fin.

"In there," he said nodding his head in the direction of the interrogation room.

"It is just after eight and he already has some one in there?"

"They have been going all morning, he and Munch. It's a guy they hadn't been able to get in here," he laughed. "Elliot drug his ass out of bed at four o'clock this morning. Not letting him sleep until they get what they want from him."

"That's Elliot," she said making her way to the coffee station to make herself another cup of mint tea.

"How you doing?"

"Alright, I guess," Olivia replied smoothing her hand over her baby bump and smiling. "Although, I can barely sleep lately and I spent an hour in the bathroom throwing up this morning. I'll be glad when I get past the morning sickness."

"It sounds rough."

"It sucks. My doctor is all over me about gaining weight and I can't even keep anything down. All I have ate for the last five months is saltine crackers. I have all of these cravings and I can't eat any of it. Or I do and then I regret it."

"This part should pass soon."

"I hope so," she said with a smile. "Elliot said that Kathy was sick the entire pregnancy with the older girls. And she was barely sick at all with the twins."

"Each pregnancy is different, I guess."

"Yeah," she replied staring down at her belly.

"Maybe that means you're having a girl."

Olivia laughed.

"I don't know what it means, but it is rather inconvenient. I should actually find out the baby's sex in my appointment this afternoon."

"That is exciting. You guys have a preference?"

"It doesn't matter to me. I just want a healthy baby. I'm not really sure about Elliot. We spent a few months just trying to get pregnant, we hadn't really discussed whether we wanted a boy or a girl. I am sure we will be happy either way."

"I am sure you will. I know you have both waited a long time for this."

Just then the door to the interrogation room opened and as Casey and Elliot walked out.

"Hey beautiful," Elliot said leaning down to kiss her.

"Good morning. I brought you a muffin from the coffee shop on the corner. Blueberry, your favorite."

Elliot laughed and kissed her again.

"Blueberry, is _your_ favorite. I like the banana nut."

"Well, I brought one of those, too."

"How are you feeling today?"

"Ehh, better than this morning."

"Rough morning?"

"Only about an hour of it."

"You should ask your doctor about the nausea."

"I will today. You didn't forget did you?"

"I didn't forget," he replied looking a little annoyed.

"You are going, right? We get to find out the baby's sex."

"Hopefully, we get to find out. They don't always cooperate," he said rubbing her belly. "Of course I'm going, baby. I have not missed an appointment yet. I'm gonna be there you don't have to worry."

"I'm sorry. I know it bothers you when I nag you about this, but you have been so busy lately I barely see you anymore. I guess I am just a little nervous that something will come up."

"Nothing is going to come up. I just have not been sleeping well and rather than keep you awake all night, I figured I would come in here and get some work done. I want to have things all caught up for when the baby comes. That way I can take a little time off too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I have already cleared it with Cragen. I have some time built up and I cannot think of a better way to spend it. I should be able to take off at least the first week the baby is home."

"That is great. Oh, before I forget, the store is delivering the nursery furniture tomorrow. So, I will probably take off the afternoon so I can be there to let them in."

"I thought you were going to wait until we knew the sex to order furniture?"

"Well the furniture part isn't going to change depending on the sex. I will just have to get the bedding and curtains and border after we find out. I'll probably go look tomorrow after they leave."

"Any excuse to shop," he said with a smile.

"Are you feeling okay? You've been acting a little strange lately."

"I'm alright. Just busy and tired."

"Okay," she said softly as she lowered herself back into her chair.

"We having lunch later?"

"I'm open for lunch."

"Then on to the appointment. But right now Munch and I have to go do some running around. I will see you later. I love you."

"I love you, too."

A few hours later Olivia sat alone at her desk eating a salad delivered from the deli down the block. As usual something had come up and Elliot wasn't able to make their lunch date but had promised her that he would be there for her doctors appointment.

Olivia checked her watch and realized that she only had a few minutes before she needed to leave for her appointment. She tossed the uneaten half of her salad into the garbage can beside her desk and exhaled softly standing up. She picked up her phone and dialed Elliot's number.

"El, it's me. I'm getting ready to head over to the doctor's office for my appointment. Umm…. I guess I will just see you there. I love you."

She hung up the phone with a worried look.

"Everything alright?" Fin asked.

"I'm sure he is already on his way."

"They probably just got tied up. He wouldn't forget this. It's too important."

"I'm sure you're right. I'd better get going. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a good night, Liv."

Fin watched until she had stepped into the elevator and the doors closed in front of her.

Olivia paced the floor in the waiting room now over an hour past the time of her appointment. She checked her watch as the woman behind the counter called her name.

"Mrs. Stabler, I am sorry. But our last appointment for the evening has just gone in. I am afraid we can't wait much longer."

"I'm going to try to call him again," Olivia said fighting back tears as she opened her phone. "I'm sure he just got held up at work."

Again the phone went straight to voice mail and Elliot didn't pick up. She looked once more and had no missed calls or messages. Where in the hell was he?

"Mrs. Stabler, I can reschedule if you'd like. But if you want to do this today, then I need to take you back to your room now."

"I have already rescheduled twice."

"I can get you in….a week from tomorrow. Unless you want to go ahead and do it now."

"Umm…. No, I want to do it. He is probably just running late and will be here soon. I left him messages. He will be here."

"Okay, lets get you into a room."

That evening Olivia was sitting at the dinner table when Elliot finally walked in. She didn't say anything, just watched him waiting for an explanation.

"I know, I'm late for dinner. So you can just skip the lecture."

Olivia blinked trying not to cry and wondered what put him in this bad mood and why exactly he felt the need to take it out on her.

"It hasn't been ready long," she lied trying to ease her way into the topic she really wanted to discuss.

Elliot tossed his suit jacket onto the sofa and kicked off his shoes. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his dress shirt as he sat down at the table across from her.

"How was your day?" she asked waiting for him to even realize how badly he had let her down.

"It sucked," he snapped stirring his food around with a fork then dropping it against the plate and making his way to the refrigerator for a beer. "Casey can't use any of the shit we got from interrogation in court. We had to start all over and we'll probably still lose the case. That asshole raped three women and he is just going to walk."

"Is that all that is bothering you?"

"There has to be more?"

"No, it's just that we do what we can do, El. And sometimes the bad guys still walk. It sucks. It sucks, bad. But I have never seen you get this upset over it. I just thought maybe there was something else bothering you."

"Just dealing with shit bother's me," he snapped again as he walked to the kitchen and scraped his plate, placing it in the sink. "I'm not really that hungry. I'm just gonna go to the bedroom and watch the game."

Olivia watched as he walked right past her not even asking about her appointment. She couldn't help but feel that he had let her down. For weeks he had promised her he would be there and now it were as if he didn't even care. She sat alone at the table and finished her dinner.

An hour or so later she made her way into the bedroom hoping to have a decent conversation with her husband and figure out what was really bothering him. She sat on the bed and looked over at Elliot as he stared at the television completely ignoring her.

"I had my appointment today," she said softly without any reaction from him.

Olivia watched for a moment as the men on television ran the bases.

"We tried to wait for you, but they couldn't wait more than an hour or so. I did try to call you."

Elliot reached beside picking up the remote control shut off the television. He dropped the remote back onto the bed and turned to look at her.

"Go on," he snapped. "I had intended on watching the game, but apparently whatever it is that you have to say is more important than seeing who wins the game I have fifty bucks on! So, go on."

Olivia stared at him with tears in her eyes. Elliot had never spoken to her like this before. Her bottom lip quivered as she tried hard not to cry.

"Why are you being this way?" She asked softly trying to hold herself together.

"What way, Olivia? I was trying to do something and you had to have my undivided attention right now. So, now you have it."

"What the hell is wrong with you lately?"

"Nothing is wrong with me. I work my ass off and I am tired. I want to watch a baseball game and relax and apparently that is too much to ask. You wanted to talk so bad, talk!"

She stared at him for a moment in disbelief.

"Okay, fine. I'll talk. Where the hell were you today? I rescheduled this appointment numerous times so that you could be there and you still didn't show. Not only were you not there, but you didn't even feel it necessary to call me or just answer the phone on one of the two dozen times I called you and extend to me the courtesy of letting me know you didn't plan on showing up! I waited for you. My doctor waited for you, for almost two hours until they just couldn't wait anymore. You knew what this meant to me and still I was there alone. Then you come home in a shitty mood and take it out on me and don't even bother asking about the appointment or me or the baby! Who by the way is fine! So don't give me shit about your stupid baseball game!"

By now she had tears streaming down both sides of her face. Damn pregnancy hormones! Anymore she cried at everything, happy, sad, angry, it didn't seem to matter. Before the pregnancy she could have just been pissed off and put up one hell of a defense to her side of the fight. But now it didn't seem to matter what her view of the situation was, it always seemed as if she were crying because she didn't get her way. But in this particular argument, she knew she was in the right and the tears on her face didn't mean for a second that she was even going to budge on her side of the disagreement. Elliot was being a complete dick and it needed to stop!

"You had a bad day," she said trying to calm herself and not get too worked up. "I get that. But yelling at me isn't going to fix anything. You made a promise to me, Elliot. And this was the first promise that you have ever broken to me. It hurts. You let me down. And honestly, here lately it seems as if this baby and I are only in your way. Almost as if this entire pregnancy is just a big hassle to you. I asked you to go with me to pick out the baby furniture and I ended up doing that alone. You didn't help me pick my doctor, you have not even looked at the baby name books. I feel like I am doing this all on my own. This is supposed to be an incredible experience that we go through together as a couple, our journey. But so far, I seem to be doing this on my own."

"Maybe I'm just not ready for it!"

"Not ready? Elliot, this was a planned pregnancy. We were trying to get pregnant, it shouldn't have come as some big surprise."

"It all happened so fast. We got married and then a baby. Maybe, I just wasn't ready for all of this!"

"Then why did you want to have a baby?"

"_You_ wanted to have a baby! We got married and immediately, you started talking about having kids. How badly you wanted to be a mother. What the hell was I supposed to say?"

"You were supposed to say that you weren't ready for it yet. Elliot, if you didn't want this….if you weren't ready….we should have waited. But you and I agreed that we wanted to try and get pregnant. So we did. And now you are flaking on me and I really need your help through this. I cannot do this on my own!"

By now she was crying pretty hard and barely able to form her words. She could not believe the things that were coming from his mouth. How could he have felt this way the entire time and not said something to her?

"So….you weren't ready? Does that mean you weren't ready to get married, either, Elliot? Because that part….that part was your idea."

Olivia stood barely able to breathe as she watched him for a response, but he only stared at her.

"Oh my God," she sobbed.

"It all just happened so fast. We should have slowed things down, that's all."

"That's all? You are standing here telling me that you're not sure if marrying me was even a good idea and I am now five months pregnant….and that's all? Do you even love me, Elliot?"

"Of course I love you."

"You just shouldn't have married me or knocked me up?"

Elliot stood up and walked toward the bedroom door.

"Where are you going?" she asked at his attempt to walk away from the conversation.

"For a walk….I need some time to think."

"It's a girl," she said as he stood in the doorway about to walk out.

"Of course it is," he said as he smoothed his hand over his face and walked out of the room.

Olivia sat alone on the bed hoping he would walk back in and talk this through with her, but he didn't. She listened as the front door slammed and then she laid down on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEO

It was nearly three o'clock in the morning when Elliot finally climbed into bed. At first he was careful not to wake her, but as he laid there in the dark beside her he remembered the promise they had made to each other not so long ago never to go to bed angry. He had hurt her. He hurt her bad. Then he walked away and she had fallen asleep feeling unloved and alone. He couldn't leave things this way until morning.

"Liv," Elliot whispered softly as he brushed his hand against her cheek.

She stirred a little, but didn't wake.

"Olivia, wake up for a minute. I need to talk to you and it is important."

She opened her eyes and stared into his.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she whispered.

"I know you're tired. But just give me a minute, then you can go back to sleep."

Olivia nodded as she stretched.

"I do love you. I love you more than I have ever loved any woman in my life. You are my wife and I don't regret marrying you. I just think that maybe we should have slowed things down a bit, that is all. Everything happened so fast. And I don't regret this baby. This is our daughter and I love her. I always will. I just don't think that emotionally I was….am ready to be a father again."

"Well, you better get ready and fast. Because in just under four months, you are going to be a father again. She moved up my due date a week. I don't want to do this alone, Elliot. But I will. You can't all moody like this all of the time, I can't handle it. And I can't have you bouncing in and out of this kids life because you are not sure if you can handle the responsibility. You are either in….or you're out. But you need to decide now, before the baby comes."

"I'm in. Of course I'm in. I'm your husband and this is our daughter. I want to be in her life and be her father. I want to do this and I want to do this with you."

Things were quiet for a moment as she sat up in the bed and stared at him.

"You wanted a boy?"

"I just want a healthy baby."

"But you didn't want a girl."

"Why would you think that?"

"When I told you the baby was a girl, you said of course it is. Like you didn't want the baby to be a girl."

Elliot took a deep breath and kissed her forehead. He stood up and walked across the room to look out the bedroom window into the city night.

"I would be proud to have another daughter, Olivia. I already love this kid so much. It is just kind of hard, you know? I just lost my daughter and find out I'm about to get another one. I love her, Liv. It just hurts."

"Elliot, this baby will in no way replace Maureen. I hate that she will never get to meet her big sister, but she will know all about her."

"Tomorrow is her birthday. She would have turned eighteen years old," he said looking back at Olivia over his shoulder as he shook his head and tried not to cry.

"El, I'm so sorry. I should have realized. I knew that something was bothering you. I feel like such a jerk."

"Don't. I was the jerk. I was upset. I guess it has been really eating at me for a while now and I have been taking it out on you. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy, raising our little girl together. I have never doubted our relationship or regretted getting married or pregnant for that matter. I love you angel," he said cupping his hand against the side of her face, "you and our baby girl."

"I love you, too," she said softly as he kissed her tenderly.

"I'm sorry I was such an asshole to you. This afternoon, when you called I was in interrogation with our suspect. I didn't answer my phone and I should have. I was pissed off that this guy was going to walk and I was trying to get something we could use against him. I should have taken the call….I should have let Fin take over the interrogation and been there with you. I just got so distracted and caught up in this case….I ignored the call and let it go to voicemail. All of the calls. I was determined to get something, but I didn't have my priorities straight, Liv. You and our family should come first. And you do, from now on. I promise you that. Nothing like this will ever happen again."

"El, if something is bothering you, you can talk to me. I'm your wife now. It's my job to comfort you and take care of you. But it is hard for me to do that if you don't tell me what is bothering you."

"I know baby," he said scooting in beside her in the bed and curling his arm around her waist. Elliot placed his palm against her belly and traced his fingertips gently over it. "Can you forgive me for being a total jerk?"

"I guess you had reason," she said sinking back into her pillow and staring up at him. "Of course I forgive you. But I don't want us to be like this anymore. We have to communicate Elliot or we're going to fall apart. And I don't think I could handle that."

"I know I couldn't."

"We're a team. We have to work together and communicate."

"I have not really been here for you lately and I know that. But you are not alone in this, Olivia. Together we are going to give our baby an amazing life."

She watched as a large smile crossed his face and his fingertips danced across her lower abdomen.

"Our baby girl," he whispered smiling again and kissing her belly.

"She is going to need a name. I have been trying for weeks to get you to help me pick names out."

"I will. This weekend, we can sit down together and do through the book. Together. We can make a list and at least narrow it down a bit. She needs a really pretty name."

"I want something we both like, something she will like. That is why I wanted us to do this together."

"We will be doing a lot of things together from now on," he replied kissing her again. "So how did the appointment go?"

"Really well. The baby is doing great and they actually think I am a week further along than what they said before."

"Did you talk to them about the nausea?"

"Yeah, I got a prescription for some stuff to take when it gets really bad. The doctor said that I really need to gain more weight. I'm supposed to start drinking protein shakes and stuff between meals to help make sure the baby gets enough, because I have been so sick. I have to pick some up tomorrow."

"Did you get any pictures?"

"I did," she said as her eyes lit up and she climbed out of the bed. She walked across the room to the dresser and picked an envelope, then climbed back into bed beside Elliot. "Look," she said as she handed him the stack of sonogram pictures.

"These are really good. Her little profile," he said with a smile. "She has your nose," he replied kissing the tip of her nose. "Our daughter looks like her mother. She is beautiful, Olivia."

"This one is my favorite. She has her little hand in her mouth. And here you can see her foot. Our baby girl."

Elliot smiled as he stared down at the pictures and smoothed his hand over her baby bump. "I cannot wait to meet this kid."

Olivia laid the pictures on the night stand and turned out the light.

"We should get some sleep," Elliot said as she settled in against him for the night.

The next morning Elliot woke up and rolled over to look at the clock.

"Shit," he shouted as he leaped from the bed already almost two hours late for work and rushed down the hall for a five minute shower.

He jumped out and put on a suit then rushed to the kitchen to see Olivia cooking breakfast. On the counter was his morning cup of coffee and beside it a large bouquet of beautiful peach colored roses.

"Liv, we are really running late. What is all of this?"

"Relax," she said handing him a plate. "I talked to Cragen and took the day off. For both of us."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Neither of us has been sleeping well lately and I wanted to let you sleep in. I thought we could spend the day together, maybe pick up the kids and do something with them. Today is going to be rough on them too, I thought maybe we could make it a family day and do something for Maureen. I was thinking we could have some breakfast, then head over to the cemetery and put the flowers on her grave. It has been a little while since we have gone there together."

"You are amazing. I love you so much."

"I love you, too."

"What would you think about maybe picking up the kids and spending the entire day together?"

"El, it is after ten. The kids are in school."

"I know, but I will call Kathy and I am sure she would understand. I think today we should be together as a family. I think we could pull them out of school and just be together. Maybe go to the zoo or something."

"You should ask Kathy, too."

"You want to spend the day with Kathy?"

"El, this day is going to be hard on all of us. And it might help the kids to have all of us together. And this way, Kathy doesn't have to be without the kids either."

"Alright," Elliot agreed. "I will give Kathy a call after breakfast and see what she thinks."


	9. 9 Anticipation

_Daddy's Girl_

_(Chapter Nine: Anticipation)_

Olivia stood in the baby's nursery folding little pink sleepers and hanging up little lacy dresses. She smiled as she felt a strong kick from her daughter and smoothed her hand over her belly. Today she was now four days past her due date and in just a couple of hours, Olivia would be heading to the hospital to have her labor induced. They had tried everything they could think to try to bring on labor naturally with no results.

She exhaled softly as she finished putting away the gifts from her baby shower and neatly fixed the little green and yellow floral embroidered quilt in the baby's crib. She wound the mobile and watched as the little bumble bees, butterflies and dragonflies began to dance to the soft tune of a lullaby. This was the perfect room for their beautiful new baby girl.

Olivia made her way into the bedroom and smiled at the sight of her husband still sleeping soundly. The alarm clock was set to go off in just a few minutes, but in her excitement for the arrival of their little girl, Olivia had woke up a couple of hours earlier and not been able to go back to sleep. Instead she took a hot shower and double checked her hospital bag. She made sure there were fresh batteries for the camera and made sure the house and nursery were ready for them to bring the new baby home. She finished sterilizing baby bottles and repacked the diaper bag with the clothes and items they would need to bring the baby home.

She walked over to the little pink bassinette on her side of the bed. She neatly draped the little pink, yellow and green receiving blankets over the side of the bassinette as the alarm clock sounded.

Elliot groaned as he reached over and hit the snooze button.

"No, El. You have to get up. We are supposed to meet my doctor at the hospital so we can have our baby girl."

Elliot rolled over and smiled at his wife sitting on her side of the bed.

"How long have you been up?"

"About three hours," Olivia laughed.

"A little excited, huh?" he asked combing his fingers through her hair and kissing her tenderly.

"I got up to pee and couldn't go back to sleep. I am so ready to get this delivery over with and finally get to hold my daughter."

"Alright," he said climbing from the bed. "I'm up. Let me hit the shower and I will be ready to go."

"I'll start some coffee."

"That would be amazing," Elliot said with a wink.

Olivia walked into the kitchen and started the coffee. She quickly threw together a hot breakfast for the daddy to be.

"That smells great," Elliot said sitting down at the counter as she sat the plate and cup of coffee down in front of him. "Are you going to eat something?"

"I think it would be better if I didn't. Some women get sick during labor, breakfast probably wouldn't be a good idea. But I figured this could be a long wait and I don't want you skipping out on me to go eat," she laughed.

"I wouldn't do that," he said with a smile.

"I know," she replied.

"I would just order a pizza and eat right there in the delivery room," he joked.

"Ha ha. Save the pizza until after the baby is born. By then I am sure I will be starving."

"Honey, after the baby is born and you can eat again I will buy you anything you want to eat," he said kissing her again. "Do you have all of your stuff together?"

"Yes. Diaper bag is packed and sitting by the door with the car seat. I repacked my bag three times. Made sure there were plenty of camera batteries. Cell phones are charged. The house is spotless, nursery set up and all of the gifts from the shower are finally put away. I also finished sterilizing all of the bottles."

"This would be the nesting stage, right?"

"I just want things to be as easy as possible when the baby comes home. I'm not going to want to be cleaning house and all of that, so I just figured I would do it now."

"Liv, I can clean the house."

"I guess I'm just nervous. It is like I can't stop moving, I have to be doing something."

"Well, it wont be long and you will be wishing you had the energy to do something."

"You are probably right. After a couple of weeks of being up all night and all day with this kid, I am going to be wore out. But I have waited for this my entire life. I am finally going to be a mother. We are finally going to meet our daughter."

"I love you baby."

"I love you too," she said kissing him. "Now hurry and finish eating so we can get to the hospital."

"Okay," Elliot laughed.

Two hours later, Olivia checked in and settled into her room. Her doctor had examined her and decided to attempt to start her labor by breaking her water.

"I called Kathy and let her know we were settled into your room."

"Okay."

"She said the kids want to come up and be here when the baby is born. I promised Elizabeth I would call when we went to the hospital. They are all so excited about the arrival of their new baby sister."

"Yeah, me too. I am not however excited about starting to have contractions," she said as she gripped the rail on her bed.

"We're making progress."

"What's this we stuff?" she gasped in pain. "How long until the epidural?"

"Baby, you can't get that until you dilate more and are closer to time to deliver. If they give it to you now it could wear off during the really bad part."

"This sucks," she groaned as Elliot kissed her forehead.

"It will be over soon, sweetheart and we will have our baby girl."

"Elliot," she warned frowning at him as she stopped herself from saying anything harsh.

Elliot had been in the room enough during labor to learn when to stop talking. He sat down in a chair beside her bed and placed his hand in hers. He watched as Olivia laid back against her pillow and tried to relax a little before the next wave of contractions set in.

Elliot pulled his phone from his pocket as it buzzed to alert him of a new text message.

"It is Kathleen. They just came in downstairs. Do you feel like having a few visitors?"

"Yeah, they can come in for a little while. But I can't say that I will be very pleasant over the next few hours."

Elliot laughed.

"They know you are in pain. They have seen Kathy in labor before."

"I keep forgetting that I am the only one who hasn't been through this before."

"Not the only one," Elliot said placing his hand on her belly and kissing her again.

He sent a text back to Kathleen telling her the room number and telling them to come on up.

_**FIVE HOURS AND A HALF HOURS LATER….**_

Olivia was actually feeling much better since her epidural had been put into place. But she was ready for this mess to be over with. The kids had all moved down to the waiting room and the doctor was about to check her progress once more.

"Olivia, you are fully dilated. Are you ready to start pushing?"

"Now?"

"Yes. It is time to deliver this baby girl."

"Okay."

"On the next contraction, I want you to push."

"Okay," Olivia agreed nodding her head in agreement.

Elliot stood and held his wife's hand. He coached her with each push and contraction, counting with the doctors and nurses for twenty two minutes before they heard the first cries of their little girl.

Olivia watched as her teary eyed husband cut the cord and the nurse picked the baby up and moved her across the room to check her out.

"She is so beautiful," Olivia whispered as Elliot kissed her tenderly.

"She looks like her mama," he replied softly.

"She is a perfectly healthy little girl," the doctor announced. "Six pounds nine ounces and twenty inches long."

The nurse swaddled the baby in a pink blanket and handed her to her mother.

"Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Stabler. She is beautiful."

The baby whimpered a little and stared up at her mother and father.

"Hi there precious," Elliot whispered as she looked at him.

He pulled his cell phone out and took a picture of the baby and sent it to her big brother's and sister's out in the waiting room.

"You have a whole room full of people out there just dying to meet you. But I think we should just take a few minutes with just you, me and mommy. You sure are a pretty girl."

Olivia laid the baby against her knees and unfolded the blanket to look at their little miracle.

"She has all of her fingers and all of her toes, mommy. She is perfect."

"She is," Olivia agreed smoothing her fingertip over the baby's full head of dark hair.

She wrapped the blanket tight back around her and held her tight kissing her little forehead.

"Do you think maybe we should let the other kids come in and see her now?"

"I let Kathleen know it is okay for them to come in now. I just wanted us to have a moment with her before we introduced her to the world, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"I love you so much, Olivia."

"I love you, too. Both of you," she whispered.

Elliot kissed her again as they heard the knock on the room door.

"There they are," Elliot said staring down at his newborn. "Your big brother's and sister's. And they are all very excited to meet you," Elliot whispered as she baby grunted and watched him.

Elliot kissed the top of her little head, then walked across the room to let the visitors in.

"Hey guys. Are you excited to see your new baby sister?"

"Yeah, we waited all day," Elizabeth said with a smile.

"Well honey, these things take time. Sometimes it takes a long time for a baby to be born. Let's go see her," Elliot said picking little Eli up in his arms as the bigger kids ran over to Olivia's side with balloons and little stuffed animals in tote.

"Well congratulations daddy," Kathy said leaning in to hug him. "From what I can see in the picture she is absolutely beautiful."

"Oh, she is," Elliot boasted proudly.

"How is Liv doing?"

"She is good. Tired, but good. The delivery went really well. Well, it went a lot better once she got the epidural and wasn't in so much pain."

"Hey, I have been there. Everything before that point is horrible," Kathy joked. "I'm glad things went well."

"Thanks Kathy. Would you like to step over here and meet my daughter?"

"I would love to."

Elliot walked over to the hospital bed where his wife sat holding their little girl. He held Eli up so he could see the new baby and watched as he pointed and smiled.

"That is your new baby sister," Elliot said watching the toddler.

"Baby," he said pointing at her again.

"That's right, baby."

Elliot kissed his son and handed him to his mother. He leaned in to Olivia and kissed her, then picked the baby up in his arms.

"Can I hold her dad?" Kathleen asked.

"Yeah daddy, when can we hold her?"

"One at a time. And we have to keep our voices down. Everyone can hold her for a few minutes, then we will have to let Olivia and the baby get some rest. It has been a very long day for everyone. In a few days we will be back at home and you guys will get to hold her more then. Kathleen is first…."

"Dad!" Elizabeth whined.

"I'm the oldest," Kathleen said teasing her sister.

"She asked first," Elliot clarified. "Then Elizabeth and then Dickie."

Elliot handed the newborn to Kathleen.

"Be careful with her, she is very fragile."

"Dad, I have held babies before. Hi sweetheart," she cooed down at the baby in her arms.

"What is her name dad?" Elizabeth asked.

"Kaylee," Elliot said taking Olivia's hand in his. "Kaylee Alison Stabler."

"Alison after Maureen?" Kathleen asked.

"Yeah, baby. Alison, after Maureen."

"That is a very pretty name," Kathy said with tears in her eyes.

"It was Olivia's idea. From the moment she found out the baby was a girl she wanted to name her after her big sister."

"Maureen would have been so proud," Kathy said with a smile.

"Honey, let Elizabeth hold her for a little while," Elliot instructed his daughter as the baby yawned.

"Bye Kaylee," Kathleen whispered as she kissed her little sister on the forehead. "I love you and I will see you soon."

She very carefully handed the baby to Elizabeth. Olivia smiled watching the older kids interact with their her newborn daughter.

After everyone, including Kathy had gotten a turn to hold the infant, Elliot handed her back to Olivia. The children said their goodbyes and Kathy ushered them one by one back to the elevator.

A nurse came and took little Kaylee for a bath and brought some dinner for mommy and daddy.

"What is this?" Olivia asked.

"A complimentary steak dinner for the new parents," the nurse replied with a smile.

Olivia laughed.

"The hospital serves steak?" she asked looking at Elliot.

"I guess so. A nurse came in earlier and asked me how you like your steak. I figured I would let the celebration dinner be a surprise."

"Aww. That is sweet. Thank you," Olivia said to the nurse as she stepped out of the room.

"Well, I would light a few candles and make it more romantic, but there are no open flames allowed because of the oxygen in the building."

Olivia smiled.

"But I have a plan," he said moving across the room to turn off the lights.

"Elliot," Olivia said just as the room darkened to the soft glow of a couple of nightlights and the full moon through the window.

She smiled.

"This is amazing."

"You are amazing," he said kissing her tenderly. "You gave me a gorgeous little daughter today."

"She is pretty great, isn't she?"

"She looks just like her beautiful mother," Elliot replied pouring her a glass of iced tea for a toast. "To the newest addition to our family, little Kaylee Alison Stabler."

Olivia smiled as their glasses clicked.

"And to being the most amazing parents we can possibly be."

"I will drink to that."

"So, you wanna be the first to try the hospital steak?" she laughed holding up a bite on a fork.

Elliot laughed as he leaned in and she fed it to him.

"It actually isn't bad," he replied as he chewed it. "Needs some steak sauce. And some sour cream for the baked potato," he said handing her a small triangular packet. "I opted for the baked potato and salad. Dressing on the side, just the way you like it. I figured you could use the carbs since you dropped about thirty pounds earlier today."

Olivia laughed.

"I still have a little baby weight to loose. But I can make a carbohydrate exception seeing as this is a celebration dinner."

"That's my girl."

After their romantic dinner the nurse brought Kaylee in for Olivia to nurse her. After a little mommy and daddy time the baby fell asleep and the nurses took her to the nursery for the night to give Olivia the chance to rest up.

Elliot kissed his wife and settled into the chair beside her bed to get a little sleep as well.


	10. 10 Content

_Daddy's Girl_

_(Chapter Ten: Content)_

_**Two Weeks Later….**_

Olivia sat up in the dark and made her way to the bassinette.

"Hello angel," she said to the blue eyed baby staring up at her.

Kaylee grunted and whimpered a bit as she stared up at her mother.

"I know, you are wet and hungry and being very patient about it."

She picked the baby girl up and carried her down the hall to the nursery. Olivia laid the baby on the changing table and wound the mobile to start the gentle lullabies to keep Kaylee calm. She picked up a fresh diaper and changed the baby, then snapped up her little pink sleeper again.

"There we go. That is much better, huh?"

Olivia carried the baby to the rocking chair by the window and opened the blinds so the moonlight could shine in. She tossed a burp cloth over her shoulder and unbuttoned her gown to nurse the baby.

"That's my girl. Were you hungry sweetheart?"

Olivia smiled down at her daughter. Kaylee closed her little eyes and rested her tiny hand against her mother's breast as she nursed, grunting softly. Olivia yawned and hummed along with the songs of the mobile as she stared out the window, rocking the chair slowly.

Over the last two weeks this had all become a part of their routine. Kaylee slept well for most of the night, waking only twice to be nursed and changed and even then she didn't really cry. She would just open her little eyes and stare up at the mobile over her bassinette making her little grunting sounds until her mommy came to get her.

It didn't usually take long for Olivia to realize it was time to feed little Kaylee. She would wake at exactly three o'clock and five o'clock every morning with a deep ache in her breast that could only be relieved by nursing her baby daughter. These early morning feedings had become kind of a sacred mother daughter bonding time. While the rest of the world was asleep, Olivia and Kaylee were here in their own little world.

"Good girl," Olivia whispered brushing her fingertip over Kaylee's thick hair.

Olivia smiled as the baby yawned and nestled her little cheek against her skin.

"Are you done already?"

She raised Kaylee and leaned her against her shoulder to burp her. She rocked her gently and patted her little back until she got a good burp. She laid Kaylee on her blanket on the changing table and re-wrapped the baby, then scooped her back up into her arms.

Olivia gave the baby girl her pacifier and held her tight as she walked around the nursery singing softly to her until she had fallen asleep once more.

"Mommy loves you," she said softly kissing the baby's forehead as she placed her back into the bassinette.

"Everything alright?" Elliot asked softly raising up in the bed to look at his wife.

"Perfect," Olivia replied.

He rolled over and looked at the alarm clock.

"Baby, come back to bed. It's way to early to be awake."

"I'll come back in a few minutes," she replied checking the baby again. "I need to pump first."

"I thought you didn't have to pump if you nursed her," Elliot said as she sat down on the edge of the bed with her breast pump.

"Well, she didn't nurse enough. I need to pump, too. Then I will have fresh milk for bottles during the day."

"Honey, you are home with her during the day. You can nurse her."

"And I do, but it is still good to have bottles made up. And if I don't pump there is no way I am going to be able to go back to sleep. It wont take long. I can move to the other room if it bothers you."

"You don't bother me," Elliot said kissing her gently.

"I thought maybe Kaylee and I would come and visit daddy at work tomorrow. Maybe take him out to lunch. If you don't already have plans that is."

"Anything I have planned can be rescheduled. I wouldn't want to miss a lunch date with my girls," Elliot said kissing her tenderly. "Everyone at work will be excited to see her. You haven't brought her in since she was born."

"Alright, so I am a bit over protective. But it is flu season and it seemed like everyone there was sick. But she is a little older now and I have to take her out for a doctor's appointment in the morning anyway. And we need diapers."

"I don't blame you and I am sure they understood. A common cold for us could be really rough on her. But I'm glad you decided to bring her in."

"Me, too. And we have the kids tomorrow night. It will be the first time they have all stayed over since I had the baby. It's gonna be a big night. I hope me getting up with the baby doesn't keep them up."

"It shouldn't. She barely cries and she is in here with us. I think the kids will sleep right through it," he said kissing her shoulder. "But I can move the rocking chair in here and sit it by our window if you'd like. Just for while the kids are here."

"Then I'll keep you awake."

Elliot smiled.

"You wont keep me awake. Besides, it's a Friday night and I can sleep in on Saturday. And she is my daughter, I could stand to get up with her now and then. Infact, why don't you just let me get up with her?"

"Oh, are you lactating now?" she joked.

"No, but we have bottles. I can get up with her on the weekends and give you a bit of a break."

"That is sweet, baby. But the second she begins to stir, I feel it."

"Feel it?"

"Yes. Because I'm breast feeding, I kind of hurt when it is time to feed the baby. It's because I'm full of milk. She is your sixth child and you don't know this stuff?"

"Kathy didn't breast feed."

"Really?"

"She tried with Maureen, but she wouldn't latch on. She didn't make enough milk with Kathleen and bottles were just easier with the twins."

"I'll bet."

"Yeah, every twenty minutes there was a baby crying wanting to be fed or changed."

"She hardly ever cries, but I still couldn't imagine having two at once. You guys must have had your hands full."

"Yeah," Elliot said with a smile. "But the girls were so close together that we kind of had a bit of practice. When you have two babies that little at the same time, when one cries the other wakes up and cries. The girls were actually a little help. Maureen was big enough she could help change diapers and they helped feed and play with Dickie and Elizabeth."

Olivia buttoned up her gown as she leaned in to hug him.

"I know how hard this is on you," she said softly.

"God, I just wish Maureen could have seen her. She would have been so proud. Kaylee reminds me so much of her. She even looks a lot like Maureen did as a baby."

"Except Maureen was blonde headed and Kaylee's hair is more the color of mine."

"Liv, all of my kids were born with dark hair. It got lighter as they got a little older."

"Well, she has your eyes. Dark hair and brown eyes are more dominant, but she is her father's daughter."

Elliot smiled.

"Yes, she is."

"You really think she looks like Maureen?"

"I'll have to see if I can find a picture. They could be twins. Years apart."

"Maybe that means she will grow up to be just as beautiful as her big sister."

"Well, look at her mama," Elliot said with a smile. "She has beautiful women on both sides of the family. Even your mother…."

"Elliot…."

"I just mean, she was a very attractive woman. Good looks are genetic," Elliot said kissing his wife.

"Yeah, lets just hope that is the only thing that is genetic."

"Hey," he said softly kissing her shoulder. "You are a remarkable woman. You are smart and beautiful and an amazing mother. And there is nothing about you that I wouldn't be proud to have passed to our daughter."

"It doesn't scare you? All of the bad things about my mother and all of the things I don't even know about my father….that they could all effect her?"

"Olivia, baby, you turned out pretty amazing. And Kaylee is going to have a lot of really great people around her throughout her entire life. People who will love her and influence her in good ways. If she takes one thing from each person in her life, only one, just think how wonderful she will be."

"I hope you're right."

"What are you talking about? I am always right," Elliot laughed.

Olivia laughed as he kissed her again.

"You worry too much," he insisted.

"I can't help it, she is our baby."

"I know exactly how you feel. It is all part of being a new parent. I went through the same exact thing when Maureen was born."

"I don't think I will ever stop worrying about her."

"No. You never stop worrying about them. You just learn what things to watch out for and what things to ease up on."

The next day Olivia took Kaylee to visit everyone at work. She watched nervously as Cragen, Munch and Fin passed her infant daughter around and took turns talking baby talk to the little girl. Kaylee seemed to be enjoying it, though and she just stared at them with her big blue eyes.

Cragen sat down at Olivia's desk and fed the baby her bottle as he spoke softly to her, telling her stories of his days with the NYPD. Kaylee grunted and stared at him as if she was very interested in every word he said.

"I think we might have a second generation police detective on our hands here," he said with a smile as Olivia took the baby to burp and change her.

"She can be anything she wants to be," Elliot said kissing the top of Kaylee's little head.

"She does like lights from the squad cars," Olivia added.

"They are pretty, aren't they sweetheart?" Cragen cooed to the baby.

When Kathy came by that evening to drop the kids off she came in to see the baby.

"She is so adorable," Kathy said as she stared down at the little girl in her arms. "It is almost hard to believe that my kids were ever this size. She looks a lot like you."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"But she has those Stabler blues," she pointed out to Kathy. "Elliot said she reminds him of Maureen when she was a baby."

Kathy smiled as she got misty eyed.

"Actually, she does. She looks a lot like Maureen did at this age."

Olivia watched as Kathy held the baby with one arm and pulled her wallet out of her purse with the other. She opened the wallet and flipped through some pictures until she found one.

"There," she said handing the wallet to Olivia.

"Oh my gosh," Olivia said with a smile. "They really do look alike."

"I think Maureen was about three or four months old in that picture. If you flip through there is a really cute one of her with Kathleen when she was tiny. And the girls with the twins and that one when Eli was a baby."

"I can definitely see the Stabler in her."

"Yeah, Elliot makes pretty babies. But she looks like you, too. She has your nose and mouth. She is just beautiful."

"Thank you," Olivia said as Kathy handed her the sleeping baby.

As Kathy kissed her children goodbye she told them to make sure to pick up after themselves and help Olivia out around the house. Olivia put Kaylee in her bassinette to nap while she and the kids made dinner for Elliot.

"Something smells amazing," Elliot said taking off his jacket and loosening his tie as he walked in the door.

"Dad," Elizabeth squealed as she threw her arms around his neck. "We helped Olivia make dinner."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Where's the baby?"

"Kaylee is sleeping in your room."

"Ahh," he said walking into the kitchen. "Hey baby," he said slipping his arms around Olivia's waist and kissing the side of her neck as he handed her a single red long stem rose.

Olivia smiled and smelled the rose as she turned to look at him.

"What is this for?"

"Just for being my beautiful amazing wife. And giving me my precious baby daughter. I love you," he said with a wink.

"I love you, too. And speaking of your baby daughter, if I don't wake her up and feed her soon she will be up all night."

"I'll tell you what, why don't we all sit down and have a nice family dinner together while Kaylee is sleeping? And after dinner or whenever she wakes up, I will go get her and give her a bottle."

"El, she wont want to sleep tonight."

"Daddy will get up with her tonight. Friday and Saturday nights are mommy's nights off."

"That sounds amazing. Unfortunately, I'm not so sure it will work out that way."

"If it doesn't work out then we will adjust things until we find a schedule that does work."

"You are the most incredible husband ever," she said kissing him tenderly. "Not many men would volunteer to get up on the weekends with their newborn for diaper duty."

"Well, I am not most men."

"No, you're not," she said kissing him.


End file.
